Here I am in Orlando and I am not too happy about it. Fortunately, I have a pretty big hunger to study so I guess that is good because I have alot coming after me when I get back tomorrow.
I know I will back home in less than 2 months but I just keep hearing everyone say, "Oh just two more months and you will be home again." THat BUMS me out so bad to hear that. At least July is right around the corner and I am hoping that will fly by. Mini #2 will be coming up quick and then my birthday is on the 20th! After that August is soon to follow, no doubt and homeward bound I will be once more.
I have been troubled thinking lately whether this is all worth it. Of course it is what I want to do but the thought of "Where will I do my rotations?" and "How much debt am I in by now?" is really starting to take it's toll on my mind. After this break and getting more and more excited to come back to everyone and Tony it makes me nervous thinking whether or not all my hard work will pay off. I see all my friends getting great jobs and starting their careers, and I guess in a sense I have too, but I can't help but feel a little jealous of their security. I feel on edge all the time with everything I study and get examined on.
I am starting to sink back into the, "If I'd only gotten into a US school..." fill-in-the-blanks. So pointless and depressing. I just think of money I could save (be it not much but I am a tight-wad), be closer to family and friends, feel like I have support more nearby... Just makes me sad thinking about all that - so why do I bother? Maybe because it makes me appreciate home or (most likely) because I have always been a person that has just felt that my best could always have been a little better. Even if it was impossible - I should have done things different and better. I don't know how I can expect so much of myself - it will disappoint you everytime. For instance, I bumped into my old Chem I & II teacher from high school while I was home. I was excited to see him and tell him what I had been doing and he was very happy for me. Then he asked me to come to the high school sometime and talk to his class! Funny thing is, ever since I saw the medical school/professionals panel our teachers had done for us - I wanted to be that. I wanted to come back and tell others that they can do it too.
But then - self-doubt. I thought - well if it is a panel, why would he want me? To most, I am at the lowest part of the food chain by medical student standards (the Caribbean stigma). I don't want to endlessly answer the question "So why all the way out there?" all day long... I know it sounds awful. The truth is though that this self-doubt plays in your own mind and it is up to you to move past it. Typing here now I am working on it. With my own self-doubt I am playing into that stigma and truth-be-told, I am proud of where I go to medical school. Of course, I whine about getting out of here someday (live down here and you'll figure it out for yourself lol) but I feel like I am getting a great education - and while I am being force-fed information non-stop all year round I know that I will be able to retain and pull all this knowledge together to become a successful and competent physician someday.
I think it says alot for us to be down here - giving up our lives - family, friends, comforts and for me - especially special times missed with everyone at home (I hate missing anything that happens... I have been friends with everyone so long, it feels strange not to be a part of their "everyday life"). No offense to U.S. students or anything because I know they work their butts off too but it is just different down here and unfortunately it is something only us Ross students and grads will ever know about. Of course, anywhere I would have gone to school I would have developed my own sense of "school pride" but to me, the experiences at Ross have made me a stronger person (even right now when I feel a little weak). This place toughens you up and you can just (as much as I hate this phrase) suck-it-up or just let it spit you right back out. When I think of our class moving onto rotations, I think of us not whining about scut-work, hours we work, whether the A/C and computers are working and whether or not we get a decent meal every night. We have been though it already and we know to accept what we get and to let the rest just roll of our back.
I look forward to the time when I see a fellow med student in rotations whining about petty things and I picture Ross' students just being able to overcome such things with a smile and upmost dedication to doing the job and doing it well. As much as I need to take heed of my own advice and dare I say, take some of my own medicine haha, just don't play into the stigma. "Why did you go to school all the way out there?" Me? I sigh in my head (exhausted from this question) but say with pride "Because they gave me an opportunity and I grabbed it with both hands and ran with it." I have pride being a Ross student and while I know there are going to be issues ahead of my education - I'll do what I do best - persevere.
... I guess that is all I have for now - I am organizing my computer to prep for the insane amount of studying I have ahead of me. Speaking as a Ross student, all I can say is bring it on... but please send me home after!!!!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Leavin' home tomorrow...
Well, this one will be short but I am leaving my favorite place in the entire world - Trenton. I had a great last night at home, nothing too big just hanging out with a few friends at Big Al's for a bit with a few drinkies. But all along I was waiting to get back home to wait for Tony to get home from work. We are going to the movies tomorrow morning then to lunch before I take back off to The Rock. I am bummed I have to leave but now it is less than 6 months until I am coming home and I am so happy.
This break was great - I got to relax, be with family and friends and get my head back straight a bit about school. I needed a break and know I got one. I am ready to work hard and get back to it. Sadly, this break - actually just recently, my dog Mindy passed away and I am so sad about it. Long story short and not wanting to be a downer - I'll miss her. I remember when we first got her when I was 12. She was THEE CUTEST puppy EVER. She had a great voice too (I used to sing to her and she would sing right along...)! She was such a great girl and I will miss her so much. I hope she knows how much I loved her even though with college and Ross I haven't been home that much....
But also, on a different note, Tony and I did something quite exciting together - went shopping for engagement rings! It was so strange to do that but amazing at the same time. Tony is the love of my life and even though we have been best friends for almost a decade - I know God brought us together just now for a reason. Pretty soon we will be celebrating our one-year anniversary and I can't believe it! He has been a great support and I can't imagine my life without him! After shopping I took his sister to look at the ring and maybe tomorrow if there is time, his mom wants to go take a look! We aren't buying it yet, actually - it is all up to him. As he says, "It can be sooner and less romantic or later and more romantic." (because he has it all planned out how he wants to do it). We are both so excited for it but are trying to hold off... now that I think about it, I don't see why. We love each other and know we are meant for each other so we should do it. Anyway, it was a very exciting experience for us!
Well, he should be home soon so I better get going. Next time I post I might be in transit back to Dominica or if I am tired back to Dominica completely. So much work to do when I get back - but I am so motivated, as always, by my trips back home...
P.S. Tiff you rock! :) You can always put a smile on my face by your comments - love ya girlie!
This break was great - I got to relax, be with family and friends and get my head back straight a bit about school. I needed a break and know I got one. I am ready to work hard and get back to it. Sadly, this break - actually just recently, my dog Mindy passed away and I am so sad about it. Long story short and not wanting to be a downer - I'll miss her. I remember when we first got her when I was 12. She was THEE CUTEST puppy EVER. She had a great voice too (I used to sing to her and she would sing right along...)! She was such a great girl and I will miss her so much. I hope she knows how much I loved her even though with college and Ross I haven't been home that much....
But also, on a different note, Tony and I did something quite exciting together - went shopping for engagement rings! It was so strange to do that but amazing at the same time. Tony is the love of my life and even though we have been best friends for almost a decade - I know God brought us together just now for a reason. Pretty soon we will be celebrating our one-year anniversary and I can't believe it! He has been a great support and I can't imagine my life without him! After shopping I took his sister to look at the ring and maybe tomorrow if there is time, his mom wants to go take a look! We aren't buying it yet, actually - it is all up to him. As he says, "It can be sooner and less romantic or later and more romantic." (because he has it all planned out how he wants to do it). We are both so excited for it but are trying to hold off... now that I think about it, I don't see why. We love each other and know we are meant for each other so we should do it. Anyway, it was a very exciting experience for us!
Well, he should be home soon so I better get going. Next time I post I might be in transit back to Dominica or if I am tired back to Dominica completely. So much work to do when I get back - but I am so motivated, as always, by my trips back home...
P.S. Tiff you rock! :) You can always put a smile on my face by your comments - love ya girlie!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Exciting News!!!
Well, mini 1 didn't go as well as I had hoped but at least I didn't fail anything. But I am so disappointed though still and always am even if others are wishing they had my scores - just who I am I guess... But anyway, while I was in the airport, I DEFINITELY did NOT get as much rest as I wanted to for this trip but it was such a different "turn of events"!
On my way out of Dominica I sat next to a lovely woman named Valarie. We spoke a little about her kid in NY and herself as well. I slept most of the way. But then as I woke up and we began talking again about how long my trips can be and how I came to be a student at Ross - then out of nowhere she was like "I know you don't know me and I don't know you - but I would like to give you money." Umm... what??? I was flattered by her offer, which she was making because she had told me that others had helped out her daughter in NY with small things and she was I suppose thinking of it as a "pay it forward" kinda thing. Of course, I declined over and over again - thanking her but telling her I would not feel comfortable doing that. But she persisted on for a long time and frankly seemed a bit offended if I refused again. She reached in her purse, pulled out and gave me $40US! I was stunned really. A stranger just giving me money to help me out? Wow. She told me to remember her when it seemed stressful and when I became a mother as well to remember this and in a way "pay it forward" to someone else. I thought it was such a nice gesture. I am very grateful and still feel a bit strange about the situation but that $40 came in handy. It helped me with my taxi ride from JKF to LGA airport and bought me some dinner and coffee! THANK YOU VALARIE!
So, I get to San Juan - and await my flight to NY. I tried to give my ticket back because they were giving comps but in the end it didn't work out. I sat by a man named Frankie. Such a sweet, funny and personable man and we spoke for nearly the whole four hour flight! We spoke of course of Ross, then his businesses (a man who never graduated college but had become a great success) and all the little things inbetween (we nearly had a spat over Paris Hilton - I couldn't believe he loved her so much!!! HAHA)! After some I found out that his success was in the MILLIONS. I'm sitting next to a millionaire lol, nice... That honestly didn't phase me in the least - good for him! But then we began talking more about Ross and got into the conversation of the RFDH foundation. Immediately he was interested, wanted to know more and was just intrigued by some stories I would tell. He looked at me and said something like, " I would like to do something here and and have my company help the foundation buy an incubator - the whole thing." THE WHOLE THING! I was floored!!!! How amazing is that?!!! I was floored!
Well I hope I hear from him soon. But as for now - I'm home! I am so happy about that but trying to get over this mini for right now. Hard to gather the motivation to keep going but then again I am no stranger to bumps in the road (<--- really). But I am going to go work on that motivation! Catch ya'll soon...
On my way out of Dominica I sat next to a lovely woman named Valarie. We spoke a little about her kid in NY and herself as well. I slept most of the way. But then as I woke up and we began talking again about how long my trips can be and how I came to be a student at Ross - then out of nowhere she was like "I know you don't know me and I don't know you - but I would like to give you money." Umm... what??? I was flattered by her offer, which she was making because she had told me that others had helped out her daughter in NY with small things and she was I suppose thinking of it as a "pay it forward" kinda thing. Of course, I declined over and over again - thanking her but telling her I would not feel comfortable doing that. But she persisted on for a long time and frankly seemed a bit offended if I refused again. She reached in her purse, pulled out and gave me $40US! I was stunned really. A stranger just giving me money to help me out? Wow. She told me to remember her when it seemed stressful and when I became a mother as well to remember this and in a way "pay it forward" to someone else. I thought it was such a nice gesture. I am very grateful and still feel a bit strange about the situation but that $40 came in handy. It helped me with my taxi ride from JKF to LGA airport and bought me some dinner and coffee! THANK YOU VALARIE!
So, I get to San Juan - and await my flight to NY. I tried to give my ticket back because they were giving comps but in the end it didn't work out. I sat by a man named Frankie. Such a sweet, funny and personable man and we spoke for nearly the whole four hour flight! We spoke of course of Ross, then his businesses (a man who never graduated college but had become a great success) and all the little things inbetween (we nearly had a spat over Paris Hilton - I couldn't believe he loved her so much!!! HAHA)! After some I found out that his success was in the MILLIONS. I'm sitting next to a millionaire lol, nice... That honestly didn't phase me in the least - good for him! But then we began talking more about Ross and got into the conversation of the RFDH foundation. Immediately he was interested, wanted to know more and was just intrigued by some stories I would tell. He looked at me and said something like, " I would like to do something here and and have my company help the foundation buy an incubator - the whole thing." THE WHOLE THING! I was floored!!!! How amazing is that?!!! I was floored!
Well I hope I hear from him soon. But as for now - I'm home! I am so happy about that but trying to get over this mini for right now. Hard to gather the motivation to keep going but then again I am no stranger to bumps in the road (<--- really). But I am going to go work on that motivation! Catch ya'll soon...
Everything comes full circle...
What an interesting few days. Well I had my mini and I think it went really well. I am tempted to check my grades like everyone else has but I could never bring myself to do it! But I hope it went as good as I feel like it did. The OLAS boat party was great and everyone said they had a great time which made me feel good and my efforts worth the work. After that though I just wanted to go home and sleep so I did. Of course only until the construction workers came at 6:30am to use all of their circular saws and jackhammers or whatever they were using to wake me up. Ah well - I had a long day of things to do anyway. On the way to campus I realized that it was the day of Pass the Bucket. I was just EXHAUSTED from OLAS and now more things to do for my foundation. But since most were hungover and not attending class, we postponed this until the next day. I swear though, after all of that I was so ready to get out of Dominica. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was so tired... and still am.
...But I must say after the mini, out on the OLAS cruise and even the next morning passing by the locals who are always so warm to my morning greetings - I found myself rethinking how I felt about the island. Maybe it was just the high stress but I have come to realize things like that - be it a "good morning" or a hug from a friend on campus and more that I will mention later - it all comes full cirle and for me when I just least expected it - I found simple joys out of such stressful days.
Well it is now Thursday morning and I have saved you from blogs of bordeom from being in airports all day and night; but here I am, in NY's LaGuardia Airport awaiting my last flight home at 8:40am! I havea about 45 minutes until I board and I am so - not even excited is the right word (even though I am) but RELIEVED! I need to be home right now so badly. I am just zonked from all the studying, all of the extracurriculars and the island as a whole.
...But again looking back I recall a day or so ago getting so much praise and thanks for my work with the foundation and getting a replacement monitor for the neonatal ventilator we got Princess Margaret Hospital here in Roseau. Customs was giving us SUCH a hard time and I was getting BEYOND frustrated. After all, it was a donation and I just wanted the hospital to start using this equiptment we worked so hard to get to them. Well, once the day was about over I washed my hands of it (of course just for the rest of the day) but I was upset because it seemed that no one else (meaning the head of the hospital or even our advisor was too concerned). Of course, I knew this wasn't the case but I just felt like as usual I was doing ALL the work and I was just so tired of it. But upon getting nearly half-a-dozen emails from Dr. Grell, Dr. Burnett, Dr. McIntryre, Dean Myers and the founders of how great I was doing with running RFDH - it kinda melted my heart a bit which was once so frigid and cold about the whole situation. I realized that others did care alot about what I was doing and felt it was important, which inspired me to keep going.
All in all, I guess that this post is all about knowing that while the bad comes with the good - the good also does come with the bad. While I still desperately need this break at home I already feel a sense of excitement about continuing my work in the foundation. I am just hoping that those students out there that not necessarily are with extracurricular things but even just with school - take the good with the bad. Sure maybe a mini didn't go well or maybe you are more homesick than usual. But take any negative energy you have and just work to make it into a positive. Use that bad mini to push yourself hard for the next one and use that homesickness to use as motivation to study hard and get home to those you love and miss! Of course, when you are feeling near the end of your rope (like I do a bit now) - take that break! Use some extra loan money to take a trip home - your mind and body will thank you for it and you will get such a refreshed feeling from being back home.
It is all worth it in the end and I know this experience I will always cherish. I joke around with my mom that I will be in years and years of therapy for all this - but of course I know that oddly enough going through this will make me such a much stronger person in the end and I can truly get through ANYTHING life throws at me.
...But I must say after the mini, out on the OLAS cruise and even the next morning passing by the locals who are always so warm to my morning greetings - I found myself rethinking how I felt about the island. Maybe it was just the high stress but I have come to realize things like that - be it a "good morning" or a hug from a friend on campus and more that I will mention later - it all comes full cirle and for me when I just least expected it - I found simple joys out of such stressful days.
Well it is now Thursday morning and I have saved you from blogs of bordeom from being in airports all day and night; but here I am, in NY's LaGuardia Airport awaiting my last flight home at 8:40am! I havea about 45 minutes until I board and I am so - not even excited is the right word (even though I am) but RELIEVED! I need to be home right now so badly. I am just zonked from all the studying, all of the extracurriculars and the island as a whole.
...But again looking back I recall a day or so ago getting so much praise and thanks for my work with the foundation and getting a replacement monitor for the neonatal ventilator we got Princess Margaret Hospital here in Roseau. Customs was giving us SUCH a hard time and I was getting BEYOND frustrated. After all, it was a donation and I just wanted the hospital to start using this equiptment we worked so hard to get to them. Well, once the day was about over I washed my hands of it (of course just for the rest of the day) but I was upset because it seemed that no one else (meaning the head of the hospital or even our advisor was too concerned). Of course, I knew this wasn't the case but I just felt like as usual I was doing ALL the work and I was just so tired of it. But upon getting nearly half-a-dozen emails from Dr. Grell, Dr. Burnett, Dr. McIntryre, Dean Myers and the founders of how great I was doing with running RFDH - it kinda melted my heart a bit which was once so frigid and cold about the whole situation. I realized that others did care alot about what I was doing and felt it was important, which inspired me to keep going.
All in all, I guess that this post is all about knowing that while the bad comes with the good - the good also does come with the bad. While I still desperately need this break at home I already feel a sense of excitement about continuing my work in the foundation. I am just hoping that those students out there that not necessarily are with extracurricular things but even just with school - take the good with the bad. Sure maybe a mini didn't go well or maybe you are more homesick than usual. But take any negative energy you have and just work to make it into a positive. Use that bad mini to push yourself hard for the next one and use that homesickness to use as motivation to study hard and get home to those you love and miss! Of course, when you are feeling near the end of your rope (like I do a bit now) - take that break! Use some extra loan money to take a trip home - your mind and body will thank you for it and you will get such a refreshed feeling from being back home.
It is all worth it in the end and I know this experience I will always cherish. I joke around with my mom that I will be in years and years of therapy for all this - but of course I know that oddly enough going through this will make me such a much stronger person in the end and I can truly get through ANYTHING life throws at me.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
First mid-term of my second year tomorrow...
It is here already!!! Mini #1! All I have to say is - it's about time. So many people are behind and worried but I really am not. Sure I have more to do, but you can honestly study for this exam till the cows come home and still forget stuff. But I have been working so hard the past five weeks and I hope and think that it will pay off tomorrow!
Aaaaand of course what is after the mini??? BOOZE CRUISE!!! I hope it is fun! Tuesday is my busy day... I want to have all my studying done (there were a few lectures I skipped last week because they weren't on the mini) then I still have to pack - because - OH YES - I am leaving Wednesday to go back to Michigan. I can't wait! I might cry on the plan - well maybe just pass out from pure exhaustion!!!
Doing well on mini 1 puts you in great position not just for this semester but for 4th semester too. So let's hope I can pull that off! Well back to the books for now - but maybe I will pack a little later for fun, hahaha.
26 hours to go till the exam! :D
Aaaaand of course what is after the mini??? BOOZE CRUISE!!! I hope it is fun! Tuesday is my busy day... I want to have all my studying done (there were a few lectures I skipped last week because they weren't on the mini) then I still have to pack - because - OH YES - I am leaving Wednesday to go back to Michigan. I can't wait! I might cry on the plan - well maybe just pass out from pure exhaustion!!!
Doing well on mini 1 puts you in great position not just for this semester but for 4th semester too. So let's hope I can pull that off! Well back to the books for now - but maybe I will pack a little later for fun, hahaha.
26 hours to go till the exam! :D
Friday, June 08, 2007
Sigh...
Friday nights. Boy do they mean something different now, haha. It's going on about 8:30pm and I have been exhausted since the day began. Tons more work to go tonight and I'm really not all that excited to get back to the apartment either since I missed my laundry drop-off and will have to sleep without sheets tonight... nice.
Still looking for my second wind - it must be lost over the stacks of books, lectures and coffee cups I have laying all around me, haha. I feel like that train, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!". Maybe another coffee would do it! I could soooo easily go home right now but I won't do that. I am going to keep going most likely till 2ish in the morning. If I could do that (and of course REALLY get some fine work done) I would be so proud of myself. Since the laundry has to come in the morning I can't make it to campus until around 9am - boo! But that means I can sleep till then too! Yay! All the more reason to stay up a little later!
Oooooh I just saw my mom sign onto AIM! Yes, I was just starting to feel lonely!!! Aww, okay well I am going to chat with mama (hi mom!) and get back to work! I can't wait till I can start posting stories about myself working in the hospital - I always worry everything I type is so boring lol. Ah well, everyone has to go through the classroom stuff before the clinicals! And my classroom time is just about up! ;) Holler! :D
Still looking for my second wind - it must be lost over the stacks of books, lectures and coffee cups I have laying all around me, haha. I feel like that train, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!". Maybe another coffee would do it! I could soooo easily go home right now but I won't do that. I am going to keep going most likely till 2ish in the morning. If I could do that (and of course REALLY get some fine work done) I would be so proud of myself. Since the laundry has to come in the morning I can't make it to campus until around 9am - boo! But that means I can sleep till then too! Yay! All the more reason to stay up a little later!
Oooooh I just saw my mom sign onto AIM! Yes, I was just starting to feel lonely!!! Aww, okay well I am going to chat with mama (hi mom!) and get back to work! I can't wait till I can start posting stories about myself working in the hospital - I always worry everything I type is so boring lol. Ah well, everyone has to go through the classroom stuff before the clinicals! And my classroom time is just about up! ;) Holler! :D
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Race to the finish line...
It's Thursday night and I am sitting in my usual spot in Classroom 5, doing everything I can to push myself until the mini. I'm exhausted but motivated still. I know I am leaving for home in five days and I can't wait. Not only have I been busting my hump with school but also with the organizations on campus I am running. After the mini on Monday, I am putting together a boat party for OLAS or a "booze cruise" lol. It should be fun but man - parties are exhausting to plan! Ah well, at least something to look forward to!
With all this studying over the last 10 months, I think one of the worst things you can do as a medical student is worry about other people, in the sense of how well their studying is going. Have they read the book? Did they do all the suggested questions? How long have they been on campus? Then you worry about the volume of material and who seems like they have mastered it and who doesn't. Maybe it is just me but in everyone's own way, you think about how well others are doing, and while you don't wish any ill will, are wondering whether you are just a step above them or below...
It isn't so bad now for me but it was. With the mini coming up and watching people pack up and leave campus to go home for the night at 8pm I wonder how they can possibly be done! So much to do and so little time to do it - especially in such an accelerated program. Is there something I am doing wrong to where I can't be finished as quick as them? Well, it is all about mind games in medical school too - actually in any kind of school. In my opinion, when I see others leave early I think of them going home and watching tv and nothing more. Then I think of how much more I will be ahead of them if I can just "gut" this out! So that is what I am doing now. So for all of you getting ready to come down here - get your mindset into these kind of mind-games. It works! When it comes time for the mini, give yourself all the goodies and energy drinks you want if it will make you happy - you are giving up so much by coming down here - treat yourself for working so hard and you mind will thank you and allow you to push yourself harder... Speaking of which this cappacino is really good - mmmmmmm.
Well, more pathology questions to do but I will most likely be alone in classroom 5 pretty soon so I may write again before I go home tonight - whenever that is! Love, love, love! :)
With all this studying over the last 10 months, I think one of the worst things you can do as a medical student is worry about other people, in the sense of how well their studying is going. Have they read the book? Did they do all the suggested questions? How long have they been on campus? Then you worry about the volume of material and who seems like they have mastered it and who doesn't. Maybe it is just me but in everyone's own way, you think about how well others are doing, and while you don't wish any ill will, are wondering whether you are just a step above them or below...
It isn't so bad now for me but it was. With the mini coming up and watching people pack up and leave campus to go home for the night at 8pm I wonder how they can possibly be done! So much to do and so little time to do it - especially in such an accelerated program. Is there something I am doing wrong to where I can't be finished as quick as them? Well, it is all about mind games in medical school too - actually in any kind of school. In my opinion, when I see others leave early I think of them going home and watching tv and nothing more. Then I think of how much more I will be ahead of them if I can just "gut" this out! So that is what I am doing now. So for all of you getting ready to come down here - get your mindset into these kind of mind-games. It works! When it comes time for the mini, give yourself all the goodies and energy drinks you want if it will make you happy - you are giving up so much by coming down here - treat yourself for working so hard and you mind will thank you and allow you to push yourself harder... Speaking of which this cappacino is really good - mmmmmmm.
Well, more pathology questions to do but I will most likely be alone in classroom 5 pretty soon so I may write again before I go home tonight - whenever that is! Love, love, love! :)
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Overly frustrated...
Well today was just - UGH! I don't know what it is, but sometimes days just get to you here. I'm sure this is the same anywhere but I swear I just couldn't take campus today. Everything frustrated me, mostly the people. No offense to those reading (which are my friends anyway, so you should know I'm not talking about you) but I'm just so sick of trying to study and I just have to deal with so much random stuff or conversations that annoy the crap out of me. Today I had someone I know in class bug me about files I had. I was nice enough to give a real helpful one but then while I was in my email looking to print off flyers for my foundation (Pass the Bucket is next week), he was like "Oh what's this file? What's that file? Can I have this? Is it helpful? Why is it helpful?" Oh my gosh! STOP!
There are two things that have got me irritated today: those who can't do there own work and those that honestly don't seem to belong in their second year of medical school.
I know this post must sound harsh, but it is true. I hesitate to use specific times and people but I will at least say I just don't know how some people pass. "What is the cause of epigastric pain?" says my prof. We go through the differential and everyone either isn't participating or is stumped. After GERD, peptic ulcers, etc - of course I say pancreatitis. The professor agrees and right after that someone says "Pancreatitis!" Umm, okay wow. Just said that. Don't act like it is your idea (which this has happened so many times!). Then there are those that act like they know the answers to everything but in all actuality have no idea what they are talking about and try to weasel their way out of it by making up some ridiculous reasoning, e.g. why stress causes ulcers or whyoxygen is so important (alright that last one was made up out of sarcasm) Okay, okay I'm being unfair - I don't know every single basic questions either but I mean for one, we learned these basic things a LONG time ago and second if I don't know a question to which I am already supposed to - I don't waste my classmates and professor's time by asking. I look it up before I embarrass myself. I guess my point is, that there are just some people I don't see how they passed.
I am also so frustrated by the lack of "street smarts" I see some students have. Sure, they can be book smart but when I am around trying to have a basic conversation, see their interactions for behavioral with patients or really their whole personality - I just don't see how some can cut the mustard. I mean they will pass but in clinicals? How will they survive? I guess butt-kissing might get them far (which I though I would finally leave behind in high-school but that is still around ad-nauseum). Note to future med students - patients aren't scary!!!! They aren't dumb either. I already see it lightly. In interviews, "Have you had any previous blood transfusions?" "No.", the patient says. "Well, you just told me you had two surgeries so you must have had transfusions." Umm okay, WHAT? Were you listening to her? Wouldn't you think she would know if she has had transfusions? But of course because EVERY operation requires transfusions... and of course for the fact you are a second year medical student - hey - it's practically a doctor, close enough right? Again, we are still so young in our studies I should not be so critical. Just from time to time things get to me and I guess it builds up.
I'm not saying I am a perfect candidate for being a physician. I have plenty work to do as well. This is just my rant I guess and just meant as nothing more then to vent. The mini is just a few days away and I am at my wits end here on this island and I want off! Ah well 6 days more then I get a break. Don't mean to upset anyone because now I feel better lol. But I just hope that those that leave this December with me from 4th semester are a group that I can be proud to be a part of. Don't get me wrong like 95% of the class this is true for - just those select few that always put a cramp in my day.
Sigh, okay more books for me. I'll talk to you all later.
There are two things that have got me irritated today: those who can't do there own work and those that honestly don't seem to belong in their second year of medical school.
I know this post must sound harsh, but it is true. I hesitate to use specific times and people but I will at least say I just don't know how some people pass. "What is the cause of epigastric pain?" says my prof. We go through the differential and everyone either isn't participating or is stumped. After GERD, peptic ulcers, etc - of course I say pancreatitis. The professor agrees and right after that someone says "Pancreatitis!" Umm, okay wow. Just said that. Don't act like it is your idea (which this has happened so many times!). Then there are those that act like they know the answers to everything but in all actuality have no idea what they are talking about and try to weasel their way out of it by making up some ridiculous reasoning, e.g. why stress causes ulcers or whyoxygen is so important (alright that last one was made up out of sarcasm) Okay, okay I'm being unfair - I don't know every single basic questions either but I mean for one, we learned these basic things a LONG time ago and second if I don't know a question to which I am already supposed to - I don't waste my classmates and professor's time by asking. I look it up before I embarrass myself. I guess my point is, that there are just some people I don't see how they passed.
I am also so frustrated by the lack of "street smarts" I see some students have. Sure, they can be book smart but when I am around trying to have a basic conversation, see their interactions for behavioral with patients or really their whole personality - I just don't see how some can cut the mustard. I mean they will pass but in clinicals? How will they survive? I guess butt-kissing might get them far (which I though I would finally leave behind in high-school but that is still around ad-nauseum). Note to future med students - patients aren't scary!!!! They aren't dumb either. I already see it lightly. In interviews, "Have you had any previous blood transfusions?" "No.", the patient says. "Well, you just told me you had two surgeries so you must have had transfusions." Umm okay, WHAT? Were you listening to her? Wouldn't you think she would know if she has had transfusions? But of course because EVERY operation requires transfusions... and of course for the fact you are a second year medical student - hey - it's practically a doctor, close enough right? Again, we are still so young in our studies I should not be so critical. Just from time to time things get to me and I guess it builds up.
I'm not saying I am a perfect candidate for being a physician. I have plenty work to do as well. This is just my rant I guess and just meant as nothing more then to vent. The mini is just a few days away and I am at my wits end here on this island and I want off! Ah well 6 days more then I get a break. Don't mean to upset anyone because now I feel better lol. But I just hope that those that leave this December with me from 4th semester are a group that I can be proud to be a part of. Don't get me wrong like 95% of the class this is true for - just those select few that always put a cramp in my day.
Sigh, okay more books for me. I'll talk to you all later.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
I LOVE MY GIRLS!
Okay, another post! I just went to the mailroom and got my card from Anna. She is great and always sends me letters and drawings of holidays I miss while I am gone - very sweet. But this??? OMG - so wonderful!
Back at home my girls, Anna, Bethie, Stebba, Erin, Julie, and Stace got together for a girls night and throughout the night drew me a HUGE banner with pictures, quotes, notes, "Jess loves Tony" with hearts (hehe) and so much more!!!! It is HUGE!!!!! I have been looking at it for like 10 mins and I STILL haven't read everything!!!! I am honestly the luckiest person ever. Seeing that, even though I love you and miss you all like crazy, reminded me how blessed I really am to have each of you. So thank you all SOOOO much!!!!! I love you with all my heart!
I can't wait to hang this up in my room! I don't know if it will fit!!! :D
See you all in a few days!!!!
Back at home my girls, Anna, Bethie, Stebba, Erin, Julie, and Stace got together for a girls night and throughout the night drew me a HUGE banner with pictures, quotes, notes, "Jess loves Tony" with hearts (hehe) and so much more!!!! It is HUGE!!!!! I have been looking at it for like 10 mins and I STILL haven't read everything!!!! I am honestly the luckiest person ever. Seeing that, even though I love you and miss you all like crazy, reminded me how blessed I really am to have each of you. So thank you all SOOOO much!!!!! I love you with all my heart!
I can't wait to hang this up in my room! I don't know if it will fit!!! :D
See you all in a few days!!!!
Undying motivation...
Today I found myself awake at about 5:20am. I got up, got ready for the day and busted out of my apartment and got set up to campus by 6am. Yesterday, I was on campus from 7:30am until 11pm and the last 3 days last week I was on campus from about 7:30am-1am the next day. My eyes are as red as can be and sore though my body and mind are ready to go another 10 rounds. Where is this coming from? Is it because I am going home in a few days? Or that I am just determined to kick this mini's butt next week? Maybe both, I don't know but the hours I am putting in I think are going to pay off big time. My study techniques have always been, well - sub-par in my standards but lately I find my studying more effective. I must give credit to the new topics I am learning too I suppose.
I am very happy with how things are going and while it is still early in the morning now (6:55am) I can't wait for that bookstore to open so I can get a nice, big, hot coffee!!! Aaaaand maybe put in some eyedrops - these babies are REAL red lol.
Let's just hope I didn't jinx this! Back to practice questions for pharmacology...
Okay, back - it's about 9am and I am having issues. Every now and the Ross brings in people who are interviewing for positions on the faculty. To do this they also teach a class or two. Okay, this person has been having like 10 lectures and I feel bad to say, they are very disappointing. Not only are the notes scattered and all over the place, but alot of it too is basic and what we learned about 10 months ago. Not to mention she is telling us about every single strange bloody bowel movements she has ever had. *Shudder* I know I shouldn't complain because if I think it is easy, what's the problem? I know I know... But I am slightly offended by being taught some of this stuff. "I don't expect you to know the different kinds of DNA polymerase but I do expect you to know that DNA polymerase, polymerizes DNA." Well - yeaaaa. This is old hat, why is she teaching us this? I guess I just feel that this is time wasted that we could be learning new things and taking time away from studying. It's just a bit obnoxious that a person comes in to teach us, but is completely oblivious that we have learned alot of this. Sorry had to vent about it. Only like 5 or 6 more lectures with her but jeeze - I can't get over it yet.
Anyway, alright NOW I gotta go lol. Catch ya'll soon.
I am very happy with how things are going and while it is still early in the morning now (6:55am) I can't wait for that bookstore to open so I can get a nice, big, hot coffee!!! Aaaaand maybe put in some eyedrops - these babies are REAL red lol.
Let's just hope I didn't jinx this! Back to practice questions for pharmacology...
Okay, back - it's about 9am and I am having issues. Every now and the Ross brings in people who are interviewing for positions on the faculty. To do this they also teach a class or two. Okay, this person has been having like 10 lectures and I feel bad to say, they are very disappointing. Not only are the notes scattered and all over the place, but alot of it too is basic and what we learned about 10 months ago. Not to mention she is telling us about every single strange bloody bowel movements she has ever had. *Shudder* I know I shouldn't complain because if I think it is easy, what's the problem? I know I know... But I am slightly offended by being taught some of this stuff. "I don't expect you to know the different kinds of DNA polymerase but I do expect you to know that DNA polymerase, polymerizes DNA." Well - yeaaaa. This is old hat, why is she teaching us this? I guess I just feel that this is time wasted that we could be learning new things and taking time away from studying. It's just a bit obnoxious that a person comes in to teach us, but is completely oblivious that we have learned alot of this. Sorry had to vent about it. Only like 5 or 6 more lectures with her but jeeze - I can't get over it yet.
Anyway, alright NOW I gotta go lol. Catch ya'll soon.
Monday, June 04, 2007
My first patient history...
Yet another milestone to add onto my educational experience!
So we get started and I walk up and sit down next to her saying, "Hi, my name is Jessica and I am a second-year medical student and I am here to just take your history if that is alright." "Yes, okay." she says. Crap why couldn't she say no! No you can't take my history - get out! Okay :) and I'll just zooom on out of there :P
I actually was not nervous at all today like I thought I would be. At first I was trying to memorize all the questions to ask a patient but as it was approaching I realized - dude, just have a conversation. Lord knows I know how to do that - I love people!!! So I walked in today and met my patient M.L. who was very sweet. I was so glad I could understand her accent too. We get to talking about her demographics, then her problem that brought her in today to see me. A couple months ago she fell and had trauma to the back of her head and since then has been having contant headaches even with the medication she had been given by her previous physician. After that we got into her past medical history, family and social history and finally a review of systems.
Everything went real smooth with of course a few bumps along the way. She seemed to be receptive to my smile and cheerful attitude even though I was trying hard not to be too perky or anything like that. I did forget a few things but not too much! She said that comdoms "scratched" her (alot of history taking here is learning their own words for symptoms - e.g. instead of having "diabetes" they have "sugar"). But I didn't ask the type she used, even though most problems tend to be latex allergies. Also, she had to remind me to talk about the number of partners she has had. But all and all I think I did well. This will be my case write up for the semester for sure for the final exam.
Afterward, I went up to my professor as well as the patient to get their opinion on how I did. The professor was pleased and I think mostly he was impressed by how comfortable I made the patient by sitting at her level, not being intimidating, making lots of eye-contact and so on. To me - I never thought about that - it's just how I am! So that made me happy. I knew my cheery bedside manner would pay off someday :P M.L., who has participated in these groups before also told me that she thought I did well - and that made me happy too. She has seen alot of students go through this so it gave me some confidence - thanks M.L.!
But now it is time to get back to the books. It is going to be a long night of studying - the mini is less than a week away! I just have to keep thinking about coming home in 8 days and push on! I can do it, right?
Well off I go, but I will write again soon!
So we get started and I walk up and sit down next to her saying, "Hi, my name is Jessica and I am a second-year medical student and I am here to just take your history if that is alright." "Yes, okay." she says. Crap why couldn't she say no! No you can't take my history - get out! Okay :) and I'll just zooom on out of there :P
I actually was not nervous at all today like I thought I would be. At first I was trying to memorize all the questions to ask a patient but as it was approaching I realized - dude, just have a conversation. Lord knows I know how to do that - I love people!!! So I walked in today and met my patient M.L. who was very sweet. I was so glad I could understand her accent too. We get to talking about her demographics, then her problem that brought her in today to see me. A couple months ago she fell and had trauma to the back of her head and since then has been having contant headaches even with the medication she had been given by her previous physician. After that we got into her past medical history, family and social history and finally a review of systems.
Everything went real smooth with of course a few bumps along the way. She seemed to be receptive to my smile and cheerful attitude even though I was trying hard not to be too perky or anything like that. I did forget a few things but not too much! She said that comdoms "scratched" her (alot of history taking here is learning their own words for symptoms - e.g. instead of having "diabetes" they have "sugar"). But I didn't ask the type she used, even though most problems tend to be latex allergies. Also, she had to remind me to talk about the number of partners she has had. But all and all I think I did well. This will be my case write up for the semester for sure for the final exam.
Afterward, I went up to my professor as well as the patient to get their opinion on how I did. The professor was pleased and I think mostly he was impressed by how comfortable I made the patient by sitting at her level, not being intimidating, making lots of eye-contact and so on. To me - I never thought about that - it's just how I am! So that made me happy. I knew my cheery bedside manner would pay off someday :P M.L., who has participated in these groups before also told me that she thought I did well - and that made me happy too. She has seen alot of students go through this so it gave me some confidence - thanks M.L.!
But now it is time to get back to the books. It is going to be a long night of studying - the mini is less than a week away! I just have to keep thinking about coming home in 8 days and push on! I can do it, right?
Well off I go, but I will write again soon!
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Sleep is good...
Well, it's a new day. Last night I finished up around midnight and headed over to Fusion (a "bar") here on the island and stayed up a little past my bedtime. Okay, when I went to bed the sun was up. Ah well, I had my few hours of fun and back to the grind. I'm sure another nap is in order but it isn't so bad because it is hot studying in the apartment here during the day. Campus is being shutdown in a few hours for electical upgrades so home it is.
Tomorrow is my 2nd ICM day (intro to clinical medicine). Basically, we have locals come in and let us perform physical exams on them so we get more comfortable with the whole process. Last time we just basically did a head-to-toe survey of the patient and pulses. Tomorrow we are working on JVPs, blood pressures and normal/abnormal heart sounds and murmurs. It should be awesome but I really haven't done too much for this class so Iwill have to brush up tonight if I can. Then in the afternoon we have our behavioral lab where we take histories - and of course I volunteered to go. It will be nice to get that out of the way - I just hope I get a local who's accent I can understand! I'll give it my best shot I guess.
Only 9 days until I am out of here for a while! Heading home June 13th and staying home until June 22nd! I am so excited!!! 8-9 days at home is going to be such a nice break. But I have to get through the next week of studying and work hard to do well on Mini #1 next Monday.
I better get to it! Miss you all but I'll see ya in a few days!!! Muah!
Tomorrow is my 2nd ICM day (intro to clinical medicine). Basically, we have locals come in and let us perform physical exams on them so we get more comfortable with the whole process. Last time we just basically did a head-to-toe survey of the patient and pulses. Tomorrow we are working on JVPs, blood pressures and normal/abnormal heart sounds and murmurs. It should be awesome but I really haven't done too much for this class so Iwill have to brush up tonight if I can. Then in the afternoon we have our behavioral lab where we take histories - and of course I volunteered to go. It will be nice to get that out of the way - I just hope I get a local who's accent I can understand! I'll give it my best shot I guess.
Only 9 days until I am out of here for a while! Heading home June 13th and staying home until June 22nd! I am so excited!!! 8-9 days at home is going to be such a nice break. But I have to get through the next week of studying and work hard to do well on Mini #1 next Monday.
I better get to it! Miss you all but I'll see ya in a few days!!! Muah!
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Second year is underway...
I think I finally have figured out what was going wrong with my blog. My password never worked and everytime I put in for a reset or reminder it never went through. Well, I finally have it reset and I believe we are good to go. Moving past that, let's get caught up!
Second year is amazing. I last left you mostly at the end of my first year when I was taking my SHELF exams. Well, as you can see for me being here today, I have passed and made it to my second year of medical school! Vacation was so wonderful too! Those couple weeks back home are always priceless and just the motivation I need to keep pushing onward. From my last quickie post you can see that I have a new house! I honestly have never been happier in my life. Tony and I have now been together for some time now and I can't imagine my life without him. He keeps me grounded and more importantly SO happy. His support while I am down here is unbelievable. I don't know many guys that would wait 16 months for a girl to come back home to be with - but he's such a blessing. Going on 10 months on the island and nearly 6 to go - so we are getting there baby! We are really excited about this starter house (shouldn't even call it that - its a beautiful, solid house!) and finally getting some time together! I love him so much :)!
So... second year. Much, much, MUCH different than first! All of you guys just starting, thinking about applying and working through 1st year - IT GET SOOOO MUCH BETTER! As far as I am from making solid diagnosis or prescribing drugs for others, each day I am feeling more and more like I am morphing into a doctor. Last year's classes are so different than this years! Now I am taking Microbiology/Immunology (as one class), Introductory to Clinical Medicine, Pathology and Pharmacology. What a difference - and I thought what we learned last year was a bit clinical - now it is 300x that! :D I am loving every minute of it (well okay, not EVERY minute - but more loving than hating ;)). I have just finished week #4 of my second year. Week #5 is nearing and the first mini is a week from Monday! So time is just speeding along! It's amazing.
For those who are thinking of coming down here - while you will never believe me until you get down here - time DOES fly. I thought it just as much for the last two semester as I do now, if not more. It IS worth it! With nearly 6 months to go I find myself more and more excited to finally be getting back to the States soon! As I was leaving Michigan for 1st semester I was SO sad - I can't tell you how much I cried - but it was all so I could live my dream. Well, I still find myself crying here and there but I think this was one of the BEST decisions I have EVER made. Hoping for a smooth road as I continue on but as clinicals are just around the corner so are the problems I am sure! But no time for complaining and whining - I'm proactive and will always make the best of it and do what I need to do to get back home and start my life back up in Michigan.
With the mini so close and the stacks upon stacks of information in front of me to jam into my brain, I have been pulling some late days lately. Last year I studied alot but not like this year. This is insane work but slightly addicting I find it lately. How late can I stay up tonight? Do I want to spring for that extra cup of joe so I can get through 5 more packets? Haha, it's true. Especially the past few days I have been doing 7:30am-about 1am the next morning. I am determined to rock this mini - or at the very least bust my butt trying!
Pretty soon I will be closing up shop and heading over to Fusion for a couple late-night drinkies to "pat myself on the back" for a some hard work in. But back to it again tomorrow! It never quits - but then again medicine doesn't either and frankly would lose my interest if it did.
I hope that there are still people that read this. I realize that my blog has been at a stand-still for a while but I believe the problems are over and I am back :) Also, the comment section is back up and running so we will try that again too! Take care everyone and I'll talk to you tomorrow!
Jessica Attard
MSII
Second year is amazing. I last left you mostly at the end of my first year when I was taking my SHELF exams. Well, as you can see for me being here today, I have passed and made it to my second year of medical school! Vacation was so wonderful too! Those couple weeks back home are always priceless and just the motivation I need to keep pushing onward. From my last quickie post you can see that I have a new house! I honestly have never been happier in my life. Tony and I have now been together for some time now and I can't imagine my life without him. He keeps me grounded and more importantly SO happy. His support while I am down here is unbelievable. I don't know many guys that would wait 16 months for a girl to come back home to be with - but he's such a blessing. Going on 10 months on the island and nearly 6 to go - so we are getting there baby! We are really excited about this starter house (shouldn't even call it that - its a beautiful, solid house!) and finally getting some time together! I love him so much :)!
So... second year. Much, much, MUCH different than first! All of you guys just starting, thinking about applying and working through 1st year - IT GET SOOOO MUCH BETTER! As far as I am from making solid diagnosis or prescribing drugs for others, each day I am feeling more and more like I am morphing into a doctor. Last year's classes are so different than this years! Now I am taking Microbiology/Immunology (as one class), Introductory to Clinical Medicine, Pathology and Pharmacology. What a difference - and I thought what we learned last year was a bit clinical - now it is 300x that! :D I am loving every minute of it (well okay, not EVERY minute - but more loving than hating ;)). I have just finished week #4 of my second year. Week #5 is nearing and the first mini is a week from Monday! So time is just speeding along! It's amazing.
For those who are thinking of coming down here - while you will never believe me until you get down here - time DOES fly. I thought it just as much for the last two semester as I do now, if not more. It IS worth it! With nearly 6 months to go I find myself more and more excited to finally be getting back to the States soon! As I was leaving Michigan for 1st semester I was SO sad - I can't tell you how much I cried - but it was all so I could live my dream. Well, I still find myself crying here and there but I think this was one of the BEST decisions I have EVER made. Hoping for a smooth road as I continue on but as clinicals are just around the corner so are the problems I am sure! But no time for complaining and whining - I'm proactive and will always make the best of it and do what I need to do to get back home and start my life back up in Michigan.
With the mini so close and the stacks upon stacks of information in front of me to jam into my brain, I have been pulling some late days lately. Last year I studied alot but not like this year. This is insane work but slightly addicting I find it lately. How late can I stay up tonight? Do I want to spring for that extra cup of joe so I can get through 5 more packets? Haha, it's true. Especially the past few days I have been doing 7:30am-about 1am the next morning. I am determined to rock this mini - or at the very least bust my butt trying!
Pretty soon I will be closing up shop and heading over to Fusion for a couple late-night drinkies to "pat myself on the back" for a some hard work in. But back to it again tomorrow! It never quits - but then again medicine doesn't either and frankly would lose my interest if it did.
I hope that there are still people that read this. I realize that my blog has been at a stand-still for a while but I believe the problems are over and I am back :) Also, the comment section is back up and running so we will try that again too! Take care everyone and I'll talk to you tomorrow!
Jessica Attard
MSII
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
