My one free weekend of the month - and what a relaxing weekend it was! It was so good to be home and to rest up a little. I had one trauma during call Thursday night, otherwise pretty much uneventful. Alas, here I am about to begin week three of surgery. Two calls left this month, one being tomorrow and my last on Friday. At the end of next week, I will be done with my trauma service, my time with the trauma team and be half way done with surgery. Whew. I can't wait. Once I start my 2nd month and get that underway, I will be so thrilled to start saying, "Only 3 more weeks!". Seems so far away but it is coming. Of course, after these two months I will still have 4 weeks of ER but from everyone I have talked to, it is alot of fun. Out of 31 days in March, I will have 16 shifts of 10 hours. Much more time off, no call and truly the start of a much better life as a medical student. The hardest part mentally and physically of medical school will be over and done with and I will be able to focus on all the great things to come afterwards.
Just on the drive back up to Saginaw, I was just thinking of how long this saga has been going. Since August of 2006 I have been away from friends and family, living out of a suitcase, moving from apartment, hotel, another apartment, etc. Granted I have been able to drive home many weekends and at times come home during a scheduling hiatus - but soon, June of 2009, it is finally over. I find myself so excited I can barely contain myself thinking of how strange it will be to use my suitcases for trips instead of another move back to a city that isn't my own. Also how strange will it be to be home with Tony and Maggie, to wake up knowing while my days are still going to be long, I will always be coming home to them each and every night. Just to be back home living life again, getting ready for my wedding, to be a wife, to take spring and summer trips to the cabin, gosh so much...
It is hard when so much stands in the way of getting to that point. Truly though, going back to August 2006 and looking forward to such things would be a bit far-fetched. Now, nearly February 2009 - it is really not so absurb to think of such things. I guess it is all in perspective. Heck even after this month of trauma, my 2nd month could be even better. I know my next attending has earlier hours but as far as weekends and times when the day is finished might be better at times that this month. How wonderful it would be to be an improvement from this month, considering this month thus far has been, dare I say, a pleasure.
As you can see, so much is on my mind tonight as it usually is when I have to pack up my car Sunday afternoon, say goodbye to my man and puppy, only to see them hopefully within the next 2-3 weeks... Luckily, my mind is in a good place tonight which traditionally has not been the norm when I have to leave home. I am hoping in this whole change of mentality, I am seeing the bright, bright light at the end of the tunnel. After 16 months on the island, 5th semester, the Comp (twice), the USMLE Step 1, FM, Psychiatry, OB/GYN, and my ENT elective - and in the near future to be surgery and a quick rotation in peds - collectively nearing 3 years (from August 2006-June 2009), I will be living the life that I have been dreaming of ever since the very day I left on that plane for Dominica. I'm holding on for that day and when it comes, life will just never be the same!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Pushing forward - Second call over...
Time just keeps on tickin' and a good thought for all of you out there dreading surgery - days go by quickly. Seriously, hours just fly and before you know it you are mid-afternoon so close to getting home. Of course, some days drag on but the majority of the time it goes fast - especially if you keep yourself busy as much as possible. Here is a BIG tip in surviving surgery (while I know I am nearing only 2 weeks into it):
1.) CHANGE YOUR MENTALITY!!! I had to very much so. Not so much physically but I thought that I would seriously die from this rotation out of exhaustion and harassment from the surgery team. Things truly now (at least for this month) could not be further from the truth. It is so hard for me not to say, "Three months to go.". It made me sad and cry everyday before I just came to change my mentality. I don't even count my 3rd month now because it is 16 shifts of 10 hours in the ER. Not bad, no call. So now from 12, I am down to 8 weeks, 2 of which are nearly over. Changing your mentality! It is hard for me to take it one day at a time but really, with the trauma team I am on, I do feel like I am a wee bit useful with my getting up way before the crack of dawn to pre-round on as many patients as I can to lighten the load for the rest of the team. Of course, I hope it impresses them, hope that it is appreciated and noticed - but above all I have changed my mentality. I now tell myself, "The more you do in pre-rounding, the quicker you can get to relax before rounds, finish rounds and get back to the apartment."
I cannot even explain how much of this is a mental game to convince yourself to push onward one day at a time. I resisted so hard to change the way I thought. I still will have hard days and some of the hardest are when my perspective is lost, in that I WILL be done with soon. It is just another hurdle and the best time of my life is yet to come when I move back home, get married and more! In this rotation though, getting up in the morning is still the worst part of my day, but knowing I will be in the hospital within the hour pre-rounding and getting the job done makes me happy because that probably the one time of the day I can truly shine and show that I am up for the challenge. Questions you can get wrong, procedures you can do and be talked though, but here is the one time you can show true initiative.
2.) Surgery cannot - I repeat - cannot take away your "me" time!!! I have a strict schedule (kinda). I need my time and I will have it - even if it means that I get less sleep. I shower before bed, have my clothes laid out so when I roll out of bed I get dressed and walk about the door (without breakfast (I can get some food in the resident on-call room), I can do it in 10 minutes!) I finish my day (12-13 hour days when I am not on call lol) - but then? Well, I workout! Something I refuse to compromise on. Before surgery I did 5 days a week. That is a bit too much I think to handle for me, so I count my on-call days as "workout days" even though it isn't much of a workout. Just the mental stress and physical stamina it takes is enough. So technically, with that I still get my 5 days a week. What else? I get in a bubble bath when I feel like I need one, have a cocktail or two (;D), watch TV (while looking up things I jotted down thoughout the day during rounds that I didn't understand) and do some leisure reading (reading "Marley and Me" right now). Whatever you would like to do - DO IT. There is time, even if it is cut short you don't come home to dread another day because you "don't have a life". Sure you are in the hospital 6 days a week - well that day off will be FAB-u-lous!
Can you see this post is really for me still, too? Haha, okay - I have more tips I am sure to come but those are so far up on the list, I had to talk about them. If anyone ever feels that dread or worry for what lies ahead - I am here if you need it. These past 2 weeks have really hit home for me and while I know I am here for those who need it, being able to talk about this here makes me feel that I am not alone either...
As my family says, stop and look back on all you have accomplished! Look at all the steps it took for you to get where you are! Be proud of yourself and know you have the strength in you to reach your dream. Stay as focused as you can, try your best to avoid the wrong mentality and always make time for the one of great importance - YOU! Everyone needs to be reminded of this from time to time... even me....
I'll be writing soon so stay tuned :)...
1.) CHANGE YOUR MENTALITY!!! I had to very much so. Not so much physically but I thought that I would seriously die from this rotation out of exhaustion and harassment from the surgery team. Things truly now (at least for this month) could not be further from the truth. It is so hard for me not to say, "Three months to go.". It made me sad and cry everyday before I just came to change my mentality. I don't even count my 3rd month now because it is 16 shifts of 10 hours in the ER. Not bad, no call. So now from 12, I am down to 8 weeks, 2 of which are nearly over. Changing your mentality! It is hard for me to take it one day at a time but really, with the trauma team I am on, I do feel like I am a wee bit useful with my getting up way before the crack of dawn to pre-round on as many patients as I can to lighten the load for the rest of the team. Of course, I hope it impresses them, hope that it is appreciated and noticed - but above all I have changed my mentality. I now tell myself, "The more you do in pre-rounding, the quicker you can get to relax before rounds, finish rounds and get back to the apartment."
I cannot even explain how much of this is a mental game to convince yourself to push onward one day at a time. I resisted so hard to change the way I thought. I still will have hard days and some of the hardest are when my perspective is lost, in that I WILL be done with soon. It is just another hurdle and the best time of my life is yet to come when I move back home, get married and more! In this rotation though, getting up in the morning is still the worst part of my day, but knowing I will be in the hospital within the hour pre-rounding and getting the job done makes me happy because that probably the one time of the day I can truly shine and show that I am up for the challenge. Questions you can get wrong, procedures you can do and be talked though, but here is the one time you can show true initiative.
2.) Surgery cannot - I repeat - cannot take away your "me" time!!! I have a strict schedule (kinda). I need my time and I will have it - even if it means that I get less sleep. I shower before bed, have my clothes laid out so when I roll out of bed I get dressed and walk about the door (without breakfast (I can get some food in the resident on-call room), I can do it in 10 minutes!) I finish my day (12-13 hour days when I am not on call lol) - but then? Well, I workout! Something I refuse to compromise on. Before surgery I did 5 days a week. That is a bit too much I think to handle for me, so I count my on-call days as "workout days" even though it isn't much of a workout. Just the mental stress and physical stamina it takes is enough. So technically, with that I still get my 5 days a week. What else? I get in a bubble bath when I feel like I need one, have a cocktail or two (;D), watch TV (while looking up things I jotted down thoughout the day during rounds that I didn't understand) and do some leisure reading (reading "Marley and Me" right now). Whatever you would like to do - DO IT. There is time, even if it is cut short you don't come home to dread another day because you "don't have a life". Sure you are in the hospital 6 days a week - well that day off will be FAB-u-lous!
Can you see this post is really for me still, too? Haha, okay - I have more tips I am sure to come but those are so far up on the list, I had to talk about them. If anyone ever feels that dread or worry for what lies ahead - I am here if you need it. These past 2 weeks have really hit home for me and while I know I am here for those who need it, being able to talk about this here makes me feel that I am not alone either...
As my family says, stop and look back on all you have accomplished! Look at all the steps it took for you to get where you are! Be proud of yourself and know you have the strength in you to reach your dream. Stay as focused as you can, try your best to avoid the wrong mentality and always make time for the one of great importance - YOU! Everyone needs to be reminded of this from time to time... even me....
I'll be writing soon so stay tuned :)...
Saturday, January 10, 2009
So begins surgery...
Well, good news? I will never have to do my first week of surgery ever again. Surgery began on January 5th with our orientation. It was so funny because with all my other rotations it was very welcoming. Surgery? Not so much. It was pretty much like, "This is your schedule, get used to it and just deal with it.". Interesting to say the very least. After talking with the last group that went though who the good attendings were and had the best of the worst hours. I've been told the two people I have are the worst hours but it seems like we all kind of have the same situation.
Anyway, my first day I was on call. I went in at 6am Tuesday (since it was my first day I didn't start rounding until the day after so I got to come in later), had office and hospital hours until 5pm, went on call at 5pm and stayed until 2pm the following day. 32 hours... Sigh. Luckily call was uneventful as there were barely any pages for trauma, so I got to sleep for about 4 or 5 hours. Call is technically over at noon but being my first day in, I was timid in any way asking for a break or to go home. So I stayed for 5 surgeries in the morning and went home at 2pm. The rest of the week comprised of me coming in to pre-round (on the floor at 5am) before rounds and staying to about 5-6pm at night. I am still pretty slow at seeing people and can see am trying to improve my efficiency. In FM or OB/GYN, notes were short and sweet. TICU/NICU (trauma/neuro ICU) notes are longer and full of detail. Right now I am seeing 3-4 patients before I see any resident or attending. By the end who knows how many I will see.
This rotation is full of the unknown. To me, this is my first seemingly medical rotation in terms of fully comprehending basic physiology to formulate treatment plans. I guess maybe its the ICU and not really surgery that makes me think this way. Even yesterday, the attending, resident, PA and myself sat to talk about hemodynamic profiles with a Swan catheter. I think I have never felt more unprepared for a talk. I have not even looked at that in months and months and here I am getting 90% of the questions wrong. I was getting so embarrassed. Truly on this rotation, I am sure I will learn a great deal but really in no way am I expecting an A. Of course, I will try for it but, really I do not hear alot of students getting that on this rotation.
So, the rest of the week basically was rounding and procedures. As far as my first week goes I have already gotten to help close up patients in surgery, pull a chest tube and place a PEG (or G-tube). I really enjoy the hands on aspect of it and really have no time to be nervous because once they say "glove up" you are pretty much commited to do the procedure. Overall the trauma team is very nice and I hope they don't think I am the worst student to ever work with them. After asking the resident what I can do for next week better, he told me to just work on suturing but as far as my availability and notes to just keep doing what I am doing. Hmm, not too sure what to make of that but ok. My resident is a real sweet guy though and pretty fun to spend the day with. So with all of us together it is a total of 6 people - attending, resident, ER resident, PA, med and PA student. Truly the days as of yet do not drag on because they are so jammed with work to be done. One thing I think is that time will go fast in this rotation. Days went by fast this week and I can only hope my energy stays how it is and time continues to roll how it has. Now that I am thinking about it more, it is probably better that I am doing this rotation in the wintertime. I thought it would make me more depressed but really, if I was doing this in the spring or summer and missing out, I would be alot worse. At least the rest of Michigan is semi-kinda where I am right now. I just am trying to keep things in perspective. I won't have to miss the opening of the cabin up north this May to go for great weekend trips, I will be home forever June 5th, I will get to have summer at home, etc. Overall, I am glad at the timing of this rotation now. All I have to do is get through it...
Tomorrow I am back on call but then I will be done by around noon on Monday. Since I have to go in early tomorrow I wasn't able to see any family or friends this weekend from home but next weekend is supposed to be my "full weekend off". We will see how that goes later in the week. Anyhoo, I suppose it is time to close this entry and start relaxing a bit and getting some reading done.
Anyway, my first day I was on call. I went in at 6am Tuesday (since it was my first day I didn't start rounding until the day after so I got to come in later), had office and hospital hours until 5pm, went on call at 5pm and stayed until 2pm the following day. 32 hours... Sigh. Luckily call was uneventful as there were barely any pages for trauma, so I got to sleep for about 4 or 5 hours. Call is technically over at noon but being my first day in, I was timid in any way asking for a break or to go home. So I stayed for 5 surgeries in the morning and went home at 2pm. The rest of the week comprised of me coming in to pre-round (on the floor at 5am) before rounds and staying to about 5-6pm at night. I am still pretty slow at seeing people and can see am trying to improve my efficiency. In FM or OB/GYN, notes were short and sweet. TICU/NICU (trauma/neuro ICU) notes are longer and full of detail. Right now I am seeing 3-4 patients before I see any resident or attending. By the end who knows how many I will see.
This rotation is full of the unknown. To me, this is my first seemingly medical rotation in terms of fully comprehending basic physiology to formulate treatment plans. I guess maybe its the ICU and not really surgery that makes me think this way. Even yesterday, the attending, resident, PA and myself sat to talk about hemodynamic profiles with a Swan catheter. I think I have never felt more unprepared for a talk. I have not even looked at that in months and months and here I am getting 90% of the questions wrong. I was getting so embarrassed. Truly on this rotation, I am sure I will learn a great deal but really in no way am I expecting an A. Of course, I will try for it but, really I do not hear alot of students getting that on this rotation.
So, the rest of the week basically was rounding and procedures. As far as my first week goes I have already gotten to help close up patients in surgery, pull a chest tube and place a PEG (or G-tube). I really enjoy the hands on aspect of it and really have no time to be nervous because once they say "glove up" you are pretty much commited to do the procedure. Overall the trauma team is very nice and I hope they don't think I am the worst student to ever work with them. After asking the resident what I can do for next week better, he told me to just work on suturing but as far as my availability and notes to just keep doing what I am doing. Hmm, not too sure what to make of that but ok. My resident is a real sweet guy though and pretty fun to spend the day with. So with all of us together it is a total of 6 people - attending, resident, ER resident, PA, med and PA student. Truly the days as of yet do not drag on because they are so jammed with work to be done. One thing I think is that time will go fast in this rotation. Days went by fast this week and I can only hope my energy stays how it is and time continues to roll how it has. Now that I am thinking about it more, it is probably better that I am doing this rotation in the wintertime. I thought it would make me more depressed but really, if I was doing this in the spring or summer and missing out, I would be alot worse. At least the rest of Michigan is semi-kinda where I am right now. I just am trying to keep things in perspective. I won't have to miss the opening of the cabin up north this May to go for great weekend trips, I will be home forever June 5th, I will get to have summer at home, etc. Overall, I am glad at the timing of this rotation now. All I have to do is get through it...
Tomorrow I am back on call but then I will be done by around noon on Monday. Since I have to go in early tomorrow I wasn't able to see any family or friends this weekend from home but next weekend is supposed to be my "full weekend off". We will see how that goes later in the week. Anyhoo, I suppose it is time to close this entry and start relaxing a bit and getting some reading done.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
What IS Jessica Up To?
I cannot believe how fast time flies and I apologize for not posting for the past while. There is so much that I would like to talk about so I think I will probably break it down over the next couple of posts. When I last left off I was about to do my weekend call for OB/GYN. Of course, being there for about 16 hours pretty much nothing happened! Call was from 8am-midnight and not one delivery. Only by around 5pm were there any screeners at all! Luckily, my resident let me out at like 10:45pm and I was able to get some rest. I had one more call on Wednesday but the big news came in the last few days of L&D. All I wanted was to get in there for the deliveries and be involved in it. Days past and all that happened were C-sections. Oy. Well the time finally came! My first delivery (which I was able to actually deliver the baby) and the next day I was able to deliver yet another! After that week, we had our final shelf exam and I went on home. Ah, how the days flew by...
I know it has been so long since my last post but on vacation - posting or talking about medicine for me isn't really on my priority list, so I hope you understand! It was such a wonderful vacation. I had a week off before starting my ENT elective rotation to start off my 4th year a bit early. This was a more specific rotation in laryngology (the voice box). It was a wonderful way to see more specific areas of medicine and I had a wondeful time with my attending and residents. I really was bummed when it was over because I learned so much in two weeks and was welcomed so warmly by the staff. I will post more on that possibly soon if anyone wants to know more about it! Alas, it was time for vacation. 3 weeks of it. It was so great to be back home with my Tony and Maggie. We did so much with the house - painting, carpeting, new furniture, getting ready for our 2nd annual New Year's party, etc. Christmas was fabulous too and very busy. I can't believe it is already over and here I am waiting to start my surgery rotation tomorrow.
I think I will have to wait until tomorrow to tell you all how I feel about that. Everyone has to do it and I'll get through it somehow but I am not happy about being back. Practically bitter and very emotional about it (what do you know - again). I think if I was doing this at home near Tony and family it would be 1000x better. It is so much harder coming back here to an empty, quiet and cold apartment. I am just so sad again and know where this is headed, back to feeling low and I don't think I can take it again. But what is there to do? Quit or keep going. Man, I wish there was a middle ground. Taking a break though only puts me behind and really just prolongs the inevitable of finishing rotations if not here most likely further away. I hate this funk. After this rotation, I have a month off where I will be taking my USMLE Step 2 CS in Chicago and maybe squeezing in a radiology rotation if I feel up for it. If not - 3 weeks off after my exam then back to Saginaw for my last rotation here: pediatrics. Finally, I will be back to no call, no weekends which will be a great way to finish. Then on June 5th, I am done in Saginaw and back home FOREVER. I will beg whoever I have to in order to stay home for my 4th year and don't really see it as a hard thing to accomplish as compared to 3rd year. After nearly 3 years of my medical education, I can finally finish and start my career back at home. That is all that I want! Please God, that is all that I want.
I am sorry for the delay in my posts but am ready to start off 2009 and keep you all filled in as I go along! Prayers welcomed tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it in the least and can only hope I am kept so busy these three months fly by. Or just fly by without the work (either way!). Here goes nothing...
I know it has been so long since my last post but on vacation - posting or talking about medicine for me isn't really on my priority list, so I hope you understand! It was such a wonderful vacation. I had a week off before starting my ENT elective rotation to start off my 4th year a bit early. This was a more specific rotation in laryngology (the voice box). It was a wonderful way to see more specific areas of medicine and I had a wondeful time with my attending and residents. I really was bummed when it was over because I learned so much in two weeks and was welcomed so warmly by the staff. I will post more on that possibly soon if anyone wants to know more about it! Alas, it was time for vacation. 3 weeks of it. It was so great to be back home with my Tony and Maggie. We did so much with the house - painting, carpeting, new furniture, getting ready for our 2nd annual New Year's party, etc. Christmas was fabulous too and very busy. I can't believe it is already over and here I am waiting to start my surgery rotation tomorrow.
I think I will have to wait until tomorrow to tell you all how I feel about that. Everyone has to do it and I'll get through it somehow but I am not happy about being back. Practically bitter and very emotional about it (what do you know - again). I think if I was doing this at home near Tony and family it would be 1000x better. It is so much harder coming back here to an empty, quiet and cold apartment. I am just so sad again and know where this is headed, back to feeling low and I don't think I can take it again. But what is there to do? Quit or keep going. Man, I wish there was a middle ground. Taking a break though only puts me behind and really just prolongs the inevitable of finishing rotations if not here most likely further away. I hate this funk. After this rotation, I have a month off where I will be taking my USMLE Step 2 CS in Chicago and maybe squeezing in a radiology rotation if I feel up for it. If not - 3 weeks off after my exam then back to Saginaw for my last rotation here: pediatrics. Finally, I will be back to no call, no weekends which will be a great way to finish. Then on June 5th, I am done in Saginaw and back home FOREVER. I will beg whoever I have to in order to stay home for my 4th year and don't really see it as a hard thing to accomplish as compared to 3rd year. After nearly 3 years of my medical education, I can finally finish and start my career back at home. That is all that I want! Please God, that is all that I want.
I am sorry for the delay in my posts but am ready to start off 2009 and keep you all filled in as I go along! Prayers welcomed tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it in the least and can only hope I am kept so busy these three months fly by. Or just fly by without the work (either way!). Here goes nothing...
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