Haha, bet you thought I was gone eh? Just kidding... Had a couple exhausting days and really wasn't up for talking about this long, long process called The Match, lol. But man, what a ride it has been.
So jeeze when did all of this begin? Right around June/July of 2009. This is when the ERAS application service opens up and basically you can start saying you are in "application season" when in fact you have until the begining of September until you are allowed to submit it - but yay anyway! So the application process is pretty straight forward. If you have gotten this far in your medical education this is just another hoop to jump through to be honest. By this time you should have your letters of recommendation written or soon to be written as the authors will have to send in their thoughts on you to ERAS directly (cover sheets are included in this section of the application that they have to submit as well). How many do you need? Most programs I think are 3-4. I had 6 but picked the top 4 that I thought would be the strongest. There were a couple people I asked early on in my 3rd year that honestly, and I say this in the most lovingly way possible - finished too quickly. I knew they didn't REALLY know me THAT well and that it was a possibility of being a "cookie cutter" LOR. In the end I ended up picking my family medicine preceptor (someone I've known for a great deal of my life and who was there to even write me a LOR for entering medical school!), my OB/GYN preceptor and assistant program director (absolutely wonderful woman who was so near convincing me that OB/GYN was for me, lol). My third came from my senior resident from heme/onc who prior to my interviews graduated to attending and staff in internal medicine. Finally my last was from my preceptor in my outpatient internal medicine clinic and division head of the program. I have to say, before I get to talking about my interview - this was one of the highlights of my interviews. In all of them, I was told how glowing and wonderful they were and in one instance how they had never seen a two page LOR before, lol! Someday I would really love to read them if I ever could do that...
Up next was my personal statement. I really worked for maybe a week on it. Not that I was lazy but usually when I get into it - I really do and I don't stop until it is perfect. I will post it at the end here to use as inspiration because after all, this is all about YOU! Stealing ideas is only refective of your own personality but getting inspiration to shine your own thoughts and journey to this point are what is important! Really there isn't much to say about this other than to show it to you but, again - and I swear that I am not trying to toot my own horn (come on you have seen all of my board scores lol) but it was loved by my interviewers as well!
There are many other aspects to the application but most are personal data, boring and obvious stuff... Though finally, it comes down to where you want to spend the next 3-5 years of your life. In the end, you submit the application in September or so then await emails to your ERAS message box - waiting for interviews! It's really that simple... Speaking of which, I had received a comment talking about how risky it seems to go the way I did. Well, could not agree with you more! It is a risky thing but the fact of the matter is - I have no interest in moving anymore, even if that means I do not match this year. Call me crazy but it has been a long road for me and Tony and right now we need to be near each other. I applied to most Michigan places and a couple Toledo places as well which were driving distance. I ended up with 8 interviews out of the 15 places I applied. I let go of two other places because I applied to them thinking - worst case I would do the distance for residency. Since I was blessed enough to receive six interviews very close to home, I dropped the other two.
I honestly think that this might be a two-parter, lol. I have so much to talk about regarding interviews that I think it is a topic in itself. So, I will let my next post deal with the fun yet at times nerveracking time visiting and interviewing at other hospitals! Until then, please partake in reading further if you so wish to :)!
So, as promised - my "Internal Medicine Personal Statement"!
In life, many hope to find their passion of what they were meant to become. It is this passion that sustains my own drive, determination and promise of a lifetime service to the health and well-being of others. Through years of preparation for this application, I have found my purpose in the practice of Internal Medicine. Since the beginning of medical school, I have always thought that this was my field of choice. Although not until my clerkship experiences fully exposed me to this field, was I completely captivated by numerous factors. Among these lay the fascination of an internist's practice. To have been educated in the foundation that all of medicine has subsequently developed, truly shows the depth of understanding and complexity of thought that must be utilized throughout any given day. In addition, the role of prevention proves to be an incalculable asset to this practice of medicine. Looking towards preventative medicine instead of chasing a cure not only provokes interest but should make even ourselves strive for such measures. Finally, throughout my clinical experience, I have discovered the perpetual importance of patient continuity. It is for these reasons to be expanded upon that I find Internal Medicine to be the specialty that I was meant to focus my innermost passion towards.
"There are, in truth, no specialties in medicine, since to know fully many of the most important diseases a man must be familiar with their manifestations in many organ" - Sir William Osler
Internal Medicine is the cornerstone of the medical world. Throughout my clinical experience, I have enjoyed my exposure to many different specialties. In their own time, however, each has fallen towards the way-side, unable to fulfill what I aspired to become as a physician. Upon beginning Internal Medicine, I felt that I had found a role that best complemented my personality. Over time, I found myself becoming more astute in my pursuit of diagnoses. I have developed a wider array of thoughts in my differential, pathophysiology and have begun to gain a strong foundation for my lifelong practice as a physician. Additionally, through my work in research, I have found a deeper appreciation for the efforts that make advances in medicine a possibility. This teamwork, which possibly could answer questions that have never been investigated, is an exciting experience. Being part of this team gave me a great feeling of self-worth; to impact how clinical medicine can be improved to become safer and more efficient in addition to positively influencing the future of our health care system.
"One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine." - Sir William Osler
Upon beginning my Internal Medicine rotation, it felt that I had found a role that complemented my personality. One core focus, preventative medicine, impacted me the most. In preventative care, seemingly under-appreciated in society today, lay the true foundation of the health care system. During my time in Dominica for the first two years of my medical education, I had spent a great deal of time working with the people of the island in preventative care. Most notably, the Ross Foundation for Dominican Health was a cause which I was delighted to take part. This became my most pivotal experience while in Dominica. After RFDH's first semester, there was no one willing to take control over its leadership, which left this organization a fallen victim to neglect. I found myself wanting to do more with the time that was given to me at this university and chose to lead it from that moment forward. Through RFDH, we were able to raise funds to provide their small hospital with some of their greatest needs, particularly in their neonatal unit. It was with this work that we were able to provide oximeters, an incubator and ventilator, as this facility had only one of each for a population of seventy-three thousand. For the first time in my life, I felt that my efforts made a difference and that without my efforts in this organization, these donations would not have been possible. It was an incredible feeling that will remain with me forever. In such practices of preventative care, we can find ourselves maintaining health instead of chasing after it, allowing us to remain one step ahead of the disease process.
"The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease." - Sir William Osler
An aspect of this specialty which has great importance to me is patient continuity. I feel that it is my duty and privilege to broaden the minds of my patients in order to encourage them to become an advocate for their own health. At the same time, the patients have so much to teach the medical community as well. In my clinic and ward experience, it was wonderful to see how relationships developed that further served to be a stepping stone to improved individual health care. Never will I forget my most memorable patient during my entire clinical experience thus far. This patient was a middle-aged gentleman, kind-hearted with a fantastic sense of humor. Admitted for an exacerbation of his chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, it was soon found over his two week stay that he had inoperable cancer. Throughout the two weeks that I spent with him, I found myself wanting to be there not only for him but also for his family, whether it was for medical care, a shoulder to cry on or lended ear. In his last days before passing, I recall being there with him, now unable to recognize who I was, as he began to succumb to his overwhelming illness. Minutes after he had passed, much of his family came to visit, none of whom knew of his demise. Standing alone with this family about to enter the room, I was the only one to deliver the devastating news. It was from our continuity that they found at least some small amount of peace in my being there. It is with this patient continuity that I find purpose and potentially many future gratifying outcomes for those I will serve. This man will always be a reminder of why I belong in this specialty. To me, he represented not only the importance of continuity, but how the prevention of disease holds higher precedence than a cure. Past feelings I once had for RFDH arose in me once more, as I built a rapport with this man and many others, who have confided and trusted in me. In the future, I believe that I will incorporate into my practice this basic human connection. It is this connection that fuels my desire to continually create an atmosphere of patient education and trust, thus allowing me to guide each patient through their continuity of care.
For the next step in my medical career, I hope to join a residency program instilled with these characteristics. I further hope to be part of one rich in the tradition of teaching, as I aspire to one day pass on my knowledge to subsequent generations of physicians. Academic medicine is an extraordinary opportunity to not only continue in my education as medicine advances, but to interact with multiple levels of expertise in the fundamentals of medicine and engage in healthy, intellectual discussions.
All of my experiences that I have been through leading up to this moment have prepared me for the rigor of a competitive residency program. My affinity for teamwork will bring comradery among my colleagues and a deeper appreciation for what can be learned from each other. My goal-oriented, hard-working personality constantly challenges me to push forward towards my aspirations. It is my perseverance, determination and above all my profound passion for this profession which carries me through each passing day, dedicated to the study and the practice of medicine. I know these assets, that define my personality and character, will drive me to bring only my very best everyday to this residency program and throughout my entire career.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Step 2 CS/CK today anyone?
I wanted to spend some time talking about my research but now that I am thinking about it, since all three are currently in the process of possibly being published, I don't know if I am supposed to be talking about it? Maybe I can but I would hate to not be sure and spill the beans on something I shouldn't. I will someday soon though. So instead, I thought I would write a little bit about my Step 2 experiences :)
Well as you would probably expect since I am about to graduate, I did in fact pass both exams - and what would you know - first time around, lol just kidding, some COMP humor :P I decided to take my CS in Chicago of April 2009 pretty much right after I stopped posting when I finished my ER month in Saginaw. I have to say again that ER was the absolute best rotation to do before this exam. This exam consisted of 12 patients (6 in the first session, 6 in the last) to do H&Ps on, write up notes and forumulate a plan. Each encounter got 25 minutes, 15 for the interview and physical exam and 10 minutes after to write up your note. You can choose to write or type your note and I thought that I would type because I type faster than I can write. After some thought, I decided to write it out as I realized that I could not type out any symbols or shorthand. I chose the right way for me though and glad I did because once you choose a way to do your note you cannot change it.
I am not gonna lie, all of my encounters took abotu 10 minutes. They give you a 5 minute warning but I took that as pretty much "time's up" so I could have extra time to work on my note. The cases are really not that difficult. You know what it is pretty much immediately on most cases, it is just that you ask the correct questions, do the correct examinations and provide a workup plan for the patient. If you forget to drape or shake hands a few times - you will NOT fail, lol. Alot of people freaked out about making small mistakes, it happens to everyone including me. I forgot to drape the patient and wash my hands on my first case. I probably did some exam maneuvers wrong but really at the end of the day, I knew I passed. The First Aid for Step 2 CS was a great book for this, especially the cases in the back.
You get 8 hours to complete this exam lunch provided and all. Really by the time you get to this point to take the test, you have interviewed a great number of patients and it truly feels like another day in the office! They are great actors too. Everyone gets nervous too but believe me, it fades down after just a couple enounters - if that. Overall it was a good experience (except for the $1200 cost) and felt great about it afterwards.
After this I went onto radiology for two weeks which I had written about then onto pediatrics and IM. Again, I am very glad my IM rotation was before my Step 2 CK exam on September 29th, 2009. I will be honest, I was exhausted by this time. 3rd year finished, some of 4th year done, just got done planning a wedding and getting married - I did study but honestly just wanted to pass and be done with it. Pretty much how that turned out. I was pretty big on my First Aid book but moreso USMLEWorld questions. The day was just like Step 1, I went to the same place to take this exam but really just was ready to get in and take it. I believe I did my first 2 blocks then a break, blocks 3 and 4 then a break and a break between the rest of the 4 (yes, there is an extra block in this one). I thought it went fine though wasn't thrilled at how I did and was so exhausted of worrying, I really didn't leave crying this time or think about me failing. I actually think Tony, my folks and I went straight to the bar! Anyway, time went on and I found that I passed with a 191/78. More of a sigh of relief than celebration, lol but even looking back on it - well, whatever it is over and I am just fine with that! Granted, I didn't blow away my interviewers with my scores but honestly, they didn't have any questions about it and were quite happy with the rest of my entire application - so I really was not kicking myself about it at all. I did what I could do but know for sure this had no bearing on the physician I would become. If you would ask the staff, residents and attendings I know that most have been extremely impressed by my workups, eagerness to learn and study on my own as well as the patients' own perception of me as a future health care provider. While this will most likely be my next post, my interviews went over so well that I never looked back wishing I had done something different with my time. During all of this craziness, I had found my balance and while I probably sacrificed some of my score to do everything else that was going on in my life - it was worth it. While I can in no way gloat about my scores I can't complain about how great my life was in spite of it :)! Life as I knew it did not end and I was still moving on - and with research on my way after my IM rotation - some much needed stress-free time and especially time to recharge my batteries and enthusiasm to continue on to finish my last year.
Overall, I will say these tests are just a way of sizing you up with other candidates but it in no way exempts you from other things you may lack. Of course, if you score in the top 5% of students and have no personality, yes you might get away with it but someday, when I am a patient with some illness in my ripe old age - I'd rather have someone dedicated to their practice with a personality to connect to than someone who does nothing but pride themselves for the rest of their career about a piddly test they took "x" years ago with nothing in their personality but the God complex. Granted this is an extreme example but believe me even a little arrogance goes a long way in this type of physician. Kinda went off a little but it is my blog so that makes it ok, haha!
Well, GI has some long days and being Monday I feel the need to put my feet up and relax with the hubs until bed. I think I will talk about this year's lovely interview season next! What a wonderful one it was :)! I'll catch you on the flip side ;)...
Well as you would probably expect since I am about to graduate, I did in fact pass both exams - and what would you know - first time around, lol just kidding, some COMP humor :P I decided to take my CS in Chicago of April 2009 pretty much right after I stopped posting when I finished my ER month in Saginaw. I have to say again that ER was the absolute best rotation to do before this exam. This exam consisted of 12 patients (6 in the first session, 6 in the last) to do H&Ps on, write up notes and forumulate a plan. Each encounter got 25 minutes, 15 for the interview and physical exam and 10 minutes after to write up your note. You can choose to write or type your note and I thought that I would type because I type faster than I can write. After some thought, I decided to write it out as I realized that I could not type out any symbols or shorthand. I chose the right way for me though and glad I did because once you choose a way to do your note you cannot change it.
I am not gonna lie, all of my encounters took abotu 10 minutes. They give you a 5 minute warning but I took that as pretty much "time's up" so I could have extra time to work on my note. The cases are really not that difficult. You know what it is pretty much immediately on most cases, it is just that you ask the correct questions, do the correct examinations and provide a workup plan for the patient. If you forget to drape or shake hands a few times - you will NOT fail, lol. Alot of people freaked out about making small mistakes, it happens to everyone including me. I forgot to drape the patient and wash my hands on my first case. I probably did some exam maneuvers wrong but really at the end of the day, I knew I passed. The First Aid for Step 2 CS was a great book for this, especially the cases in the back.
You get 8 hours to complete this exam lunch provided and all. Really by the time you get to this point to take the test, you have interviewed a great number of patients and it truly feels like another day in the office! They are great actors too. Everyone gets nervous too but believe me, it fades down after just a couple enounters - if that. Overall it was a good experience (except for the $1200 cost) and felt great about it afterwards.
After this I went onto radiology for two weeks which I had written about then onto pediatrics and IM. Again, I am very glad my IM rotation was before my Step 2 CK exam on September 29th, 2009. I will be honest, I was exhausted by this time. 3rd year finished, some of 4th year done, just got done planning a wedding and getting married - I did study but honestly just wanted to pass and be done with it. Pretty much how that turned out. I was pretty big on my First Aid book but moreso USMLEWorld questions. The day was just like Step 1, I went to the same place to take this exam but really just was ready to get in and take it. I believe I did my first 2 blocks then a break, blocks 3 and 4 then a break and a break between the rest of the 4 (yes, there is an extra block in this one). I thought it went fine though wasn't thrilled at how I did and was so exhausted of worrying, I really didn't leave crying this time or think about me failing. I actually think Tony, my folks and I went straight to the bar! Anyway, time went on and I found that I passed with a 191/78. More of a sigh of relief than celebration, lol but even looking back on it - well, whatever it is over and I am just fine with that! Granted, I didn't blow away my interviewers with my scores but honestly, they didn't have any questions about it and were quite happy with the rest of my entire application - so I really was not kicking myself about it at all. I did what I could do but know for sure this had no bearing on the physician I would become. If you would ask the staff, residents and attendings I know that most have been extremely impressed by my workups, eagerness to learn and study on my own as well as the patients' own perception of me as a future health care provider. While this will most likely be my next post, my interviews went over so well that I never looked back wishing I had done something different with my time. During all of this craziness, I had found my balance and while I probably sacrificed some of my score to do everything else that was going on in my life - it was worth it. While I can in no way gloat about my scores I can't complain about how great my life was in spite of it :)! Life as I knew it did not end and I was still moving on - and with research on my way after my IM rotation - some much needed stress-free time and especially time to recharge my batteries and enthusiasm to continue on to finish my last year.
Overall, I will say these tests are just a way of sizing you up with other candidates but it in no way exempts you from other things you may lack. Of course, if you score in the top 5% of students and have no personality, yes you might get away with it but someday, when I am a patient with some illness in my ripe old age - I'd rather have someone dedicated to their practice with a personality to connect to than someone who does nothing but pride themselves for the rest of their career about a piddly test they took "x" years ago with nothing in their personality but the God complex. Granted this is an extreme example but believe me even a little arrogance goes a long way in this type of physician. Kinda went off a little but it is my blog so that makes it ok, haha!
Well, GI has some long days and being Monday I feel the need to put my feet up and relax with the hubs until bed. I think I will talk about this year's lovely interview season next! What a wonderful one it was :)! I'll catch you on the flip side ;)...
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Going back in time (again) - 2nd/3rd month IM rotation
Wow, three days in a row - I'm on a roll! Actually, I kinda want to get these posts up so I can begin writing more about current things, such as the match, interviews and preparation for residency! I spent a little of my day reading back on some older posts and cannot believe some of the things I got through and how much it really took to get where I am today... I am still trying to get these things in perspective because finally I am starting to feel that as I am making my way down to the last eight weeks of rotations that I am - gasp - maybe a little bit proud of myself.
My second month consisted of a general medicine floor. Basically, it worked the same as the heme/onc floor with calls and such but the turnover was much faster, with patients staying only 2-3 days compared to a week to two from the month before. This meant more H&Ps, workups, presentations and more. It was nice to experience a fast-paced floor as it would be once residency begins. Again this wasn't a sub-I for me but I still wanted to do as much as I could. We had a guy doing his sub-I in our group but really didn't see it much different from what I was doing. The main difference is that you are in charge of your patients and your note actually "counts" legally. I am telling you though that you can act as a sub-I, even if you aren't. Just like I said from the month before, just get involved. If you are there to work just keep asking to do things. If a new consult comes in, just take it work them up. If orders need to be written, do so. If consult calls have to be made, offer to do it. Literally these things take minutes, lol. But it really shows initiative. Anyway, that is my little rant on that!
During each month, our attendings would change at least once to round with which made it a little challenging as they all had their own styles as to how they liked things presented. But as rotations go on, you get used to listening as a resident presents another patient to the attending and seeing if the attending has criticism or praises afterwards. The order always the same but just the amount of information they really want varies. I had a very nice team again though. Of course, my intern rocked and we had a great time - even during calls! One call though was the night before my bachelorette party and yes, it was an overnight call. This team was more into me being involved all throughout the night but that night they were kind and let me sleep a bit :). It was a bit funny as my senior and three residents and sub-I on the floor were all guys. It was me and 5 guys sleeping/hanging in one room together, lol. Anyway, it was a good month. Full of the usual chief complaints but definitely learned alot.
My final month consisted of outpatient clinic work. I was set up for 8 sessions a week (a session being a 4 hour period, so Monday-Thursday all day). It was nice because my main preceptor allowed me to set up my own hours since I had just gotten married and I was preparing for my Step 2 CK exam. It was great exposure to working with appointments and such but as you can expect it was alot of clinic a week, lol. It was nice being around the same 4-5 attendings and getting exposure to their styles.
Luckily, throughout my time in heme/onc, I met some great fellows who connected me into their research department. I was able to secure a couple of elective months to doing solely research Sepember-November! It was very nice as I was able to connect to their CarePlus system from home and be there to take on more of a wifely role for a while. I really enjoyed that time. While I will end up writing about this most likely a little in my next entry, it led into the holidays which I took off December for our fabulous Hawaiian honeymood and to enjoy with family and friends. See? We are slowly catching up on things! :) We will be to the present in no time and I have spared you from many "oh woe is me" posts, lol! All there is after that is my pulmonology month and this gastrointestinal month. Just to tell you that as my first two weeks were more general GI consults the next two weeks will be hepatology, of which I am super excited to learn about!
I hope you all have a Happy Valentine's Day! We don't celebrate it much but I was actually sent flowers, chocolates and a new teddy ('Lil Tone, after my first teddy Tony Bear, haha!) to the hospital but after a crazy mix up, I never got them, someone else did and took them home only to call ProFlowers.com to tell them of the mistake. I think that they just didn't know who I was since I was only on the floor once in a while over these past two weeks. They told the lady to keep the stuff and they would resend it out the stuff Monday. So I ended up calling them to get it delivered here today and they surely did - yay! Anyway, while Tony was upset it was no longer a surprise, I am now sitting in my robe eating chocolates and watching tv :). This is the life!
My second month consisted of a general medicine floor. Basically, it worked the same as the heme/onc floor with calls and such but the turnover was much faster, with patients staying only 2-3 days compared to a week to two from the month before. This meant more H&Ps, workups, presentations and more. It was nice to experience a fast-paced floor as it would be once residency begins. Again this wasn't a sub-I for me but I still wanted to do as much as I could. We had a guy doing his sub-I in our group but really didn't see it much different from what I was doing. The main difference is that you are in charge of your patients and your note actually "counts" legally. I am telling you though that you can act as a sub-I, even if you aren't. Just like I said from the month before, just get involved. If you are there to work just keep asking to do things. If a new consult comes in, just take it work them up. If orders need to be written, do so. If consult calls have to be made, offer to do it. Literally these things take minutes, lol. But it really shows initiative. Anyway, that is my little rant on that!
During each month, our attendings would change at least once to round with which made it a little challenging as they all had their own styles as to how they liked things presented. But as rotations go on, you get used to listening as a resident presents another patient to the attending and seeing if the attending has criticism or praises afterwards. The order always the same but just the amount of information they really want varies. I had a very nice team again though. Of course, my intern rocked and we had a great time - even during calls! One call though was the night before my bachelorette party and yes, it was an overnight call. This team was more into me being involved all throughout the night but that night they were kind and let me sleep a bit :). It was a bit funny as my senior and three residents and sub-I on the floor were all guys. It was me and 5 guys sleeping/hanging in one room together, lol. Anyway, it was a good month. Full of the usual chief complaints but definitely learned alot.
My final month consisted of outpatient clinic work. I was set up for 8 sessions a week (a session being a 4 hour period, so Monday-Thursday all day). It was nice because my main preceptor allowed me to set up my own hours since I had just gotten married and I was preparing for my Step 2 CK exam. It was great exposure to working with appointments and such but as you can expect it was alot of clinic a week, lol. It was nice being around the same 4-5 attendings and getting exposure to their styles.
Luckily, throughout my time in heme/onc, I met some great fellows who connected me into their research department. I was able to secure a couple of elective months to doing solely research Sepember-November! It was very nice as I was able to connect to their CarePlus system from home and be there to take on more of a wifely role for a while. I really enjoyed that time. While I will end up writing about this most likely a little in my next entry, it led into the holidays which I took off December for our fabulous Hawaiian honeymood and to enjoy with family and friends. See? We are slowly catching up on things! :) We will be to the present in no time and I have spared you from many "oh woe is me" posts, lol! All there is after that is my pulmonology month and this gastrointestinal month. Just to tell you that as my first two weeks were more general GI consults the next two weeks will be hepatology, of which I am super excited to learn about!
I hope you all have a Happy Valentine's Day! We don't celebrate it much but I was actually sent flowers, chocolates and a new teddy ('Lil Tone, after my first teddy Tony Bear, haha!) to the hospital but after a crazy mix up, I never got them, someone else did and took them home only to call ProFlowers.com to tell them of the mistake. I think that they just didn't know who I was since I was only on the floor once in a while over these past two weeks. They told the lady to keep the stuff and they would resend it out the stuff Monday. So I ended up calling them to get it delivered here today and they surely did - yay! Anyway, while Tony was upset it was no longer a surprise, I am now sitting in my robe eating chocolates and watching tv :). This is the life!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Going back in time - 1st month IM rotation
First of all, I just wanted to thank those that had made comments on my last blog. I really didn't expect anyone to have kept checking up whether or not I was still writing, which makes me feel bad but really does make me want to continue on! Maybe it was the wedding planning with rotations. Or actually I bet it was because I had moved back home I could bounce things off my husband moreso than when I was away all the time. It is probably possible that I felt that I might not have needed the blog anymore... I have found though recently though how much I had missed it and actually that I might be able to get advice or give it to other students (and start sparing my hubs from my venting, haha!) In any event, thank you again and will try my best to keep up with it!
So I thought for this entry I would take a little trip back to June of 2009, my first month of my IM rotation. Pretty much was heading into a new hospital system and a quite well known one as well which made it more nerve-racking. I had been asked about how I was able to get a spot there since it was not an affiliate. Well, actually none of my 4th year elective is at affiliate facilities either, which is something else I should speak about. I obviously was sick of moving and I wanted to be home with my little family more than anything and I was willing to do anything I had to in order to do that. I does depend on your state as to how many elective you can do as a non-elective but for me it was alright. Generally it requires you to contact the medical education coordinator and jsut ask how to apply. They will tell you what you need to fax them and this is where the Ross Non-Affiliate Rotation form comes in. Once you submit that to Ross and you submit your application to the hospital, Ross will then process your application and send your transcripts, scores, vaccination records, etc. to the hospital. This takes about 4 weeks, sometimes less if you are lucky. Once it is processed the hospital will contact you that your rotation is set up. Generally this is probably just as easy as an affiliate hospital but just a couple more hoops to jump through. I have done this throughout my whole 4th year and some of my 3rd too. It doesn't take too much and definite worth any extra effort!
Anyway, so I was fortunate enough to meet much of the IM staff over the years with a relative working there. Getting to meet them and stay connected throughout my first couple of years in school, I was able to maintain some contact to hopefully one day be allowed to come for my core. I was very lucky and as far as I know, it was very hard to even get that for me. It took me six months (actually at least) for this to be ironed out with administration, faculty, etc. I was getting nervous as months were going by without it coming up on my schedule. Eventually though it worked and I was signed up for 3 months of IM! From that time, I was able to meet more people in medical education and was able to secure a couple more months of 4th year. Basically, this was all possible through the inital connection. It would be really nice if we could get that affiliate back as I know they were once ours before. From what I see, I know that we would totally rock as students for this facility. Most seem very impressed with my efforts and I feel very comfortable and welcomed to this hospital!
Getting back to my first month, I was placed in hematology/oncology. It was in June so I was placed with an intern and senior resident both about to advance in their training the next month. I have to say, I have actually ALWAYS had awesome teams to work with and this team was just the start of me realizing it! This floor, while the turnover was less - meaning longer stays for patients - it was a busy, busy floor. Basically anyone with potential cancer or someone admitted for a health reason who had a history of cancer was admitted to our floor. We had call q4, though only had to spend the night on Friday/Saturday calls, otherwise they were till 10pm. I had my own patients, though yes unless it is a sub-I, the intern is still in charge of those patients. I just pretty much followed hers. I would do as much of the admission that I could as she taught me how to write the orders, H&P, etc. I would be able to do my pre-rounds, present them daily, keep up on their daily orders/tests and have some responsibility of doing their discharge summary updates in preparation for their discharge. It was great being given so much responsibility! I really felt liek a part of the team. I was even lucky enough to start getting my own med students! I had probably 2-3 recently finished 1st years come in to shadow, here's the funny part - me! It was really great though because it was at this point where I found out how much I have really learned. Their experience in clinical science was little to none so pretty much anything I was doing or seeing could have a teaching aspect to it which made my day that much better!
I tried my best to help in calls, though my team really wouldn't push much to wake me up sometimes but really I wanted to help. I didn't just let myself sleep through my rotation, lol. Anyway, patients on this floor really touched me and for some reason I really wasn't disheartened by these people who in great proportion were in hospice. In this month, I was given great exposure to end-of-life talks with family which was hard at first. I even had a patient that was such a pivotal point in my education, he became a huge part of my personal statement. It was with this patient I had spent two weeks with, through him learning of his terminal illness, to help managing his treatment and be there for his final days. It was even with this patient I gave my first family talk, completely alone mind you, as his passing took place between visits. Maybe this is something I could post for an example for future applicants if anyone would like to read it...
Anyway, staff were on this floor as well, some of whom still recognize me today 8 months later and still are great to chat with! My senior as well the heme/onc fellow were wonderful about letting me get exposed to procedures too. This month I was able to a thoracocentesis and a bone marrow biopsy on my own. The biopsy was a tad difficult pushing hard enough, so yes I had to get help from that but it was great. Maybe it was how hard I worked that they allowed me a chance to try my hand at a procedure.
All in all, this month was fabulous and I am seriously considering a fellowship in hematology/oncology. I really enjoyed my time and I know that must sound so morbid but I felt like it was a place where I belonged. It also seems to be a less stressful fellowship (althought mentally I am sure it could be seen as challenging) to choose from. I have been told that to apply for fellowship requires preparation as soon as my internship year. While applications and interviews begin in PGY-II year, connections, recommendations and research should be pursued from the beginning. I am not sure how true this acutally is but at least if I chose to do this, I think I might have a nice start. I have been doing research for some time now in the heme/onc department and am currently on research project #3 (I will talk about in another blog!). So at least I am some comfort in knowing that I am on track in case I would like to pursue this!
Well, this has been quite a long post but next up I will be talking about my general medicine month, which was my second of my IM rotation! :) As always, let me know of any questions! Talk to you all again soon!
So I thought for this entry I would take a little trip back to June of 2009, my first month of my IM rotation. Pretty much was heading into a new hospital system and a quite well known one as well which made it more nerve-racking. I had been asked about how I was able to get a spot there since it was not an affiliate. Well, actually none of my 4th year elective is at affiliate facilities either, which is something else I should speak about. I obviously was sick of moving and I wanted to be home with my little family more than anything and I was willing to do anything I had to in order to do that. I does depend on your state as to how many elective you can do as a non-elective but for me it was alright. Generally it requires you to contact the medical education coordinator and jsut ask how to apply. They will tell you what you need to fax them and this is where the Ross Non-Affiliate Rotation form comes in. Once you submit that to Ross and you submit your application to the hospital, Ross will then process your application and send your transcripts, scores, vaccination records, etc. to the hospital. This takes about 4 weeks, sometimes less if you are lucky. Once it is processed the hospital will contact you that your rotation is set up. Generally this is probably just as easy as an affiliate hospital but just a couple more hoops to jump through. I have done this throughout my whole 4th year and some of my 3rd too. It doesn't take too much and definite worth any extra effort!
Anyway, so I was fortunate enough to meet much of the IM staff over the years with a relative working there. Getting to meet them and stay connected throughout my first couple of years in school, I was able to maintain some contact to hopefully one day be allowed to come for my core. I was very lucky and as far as I know, it was very hard to even get that for me. It took me six months (actually at least) for this to be ironed out with administration, faculty, etc. I was getting nervous as months were going by without it coming up on my schedule. Eventually though it worked and I was signed up for 3 months of IM! From that time, I was able to meet more people in medical education and was able to secure a couple more months of 4th year. Basically, this was all possible through the inital connection. It would be really nice if we could get that affiliate back as I know they were once ours before. From what I see, I know that we would totally rock as students for this facility. Most seem very impressed with my efforts and I feel very comfortable and welcomed to this hospital!
Getting back to my first month, I was placed in hematology/oncology. It was in June so I was placed with an intern and senior resident both about to advance in their training the next month. I have to say, I have actually ALWAYS had awesome teams to work with and this team was just the start of me realizing it! This floor, while the turnover was less - meaning longer stays for patients - it was a busy, busy floor. Basically anyone with potential cancer or someone admitted for a health reason who had a history of cancer was admitted to our floor. We had call q4, though only had to spend the night on Friday/Saturday calls, otherwise they were till 10pm. I had my own patients, though yes unless it is a sub-I, the intern is still in charge of those patients. I just pretty much followed hers. I would do as much of the admission that I could as she taught me how to write the orders, H&P, etc. I would be able to do my pre-rounds, present them daily, keep up on their daily orders/tests and have some responsibility of doing their discharge summary updates in preparation for their discharge. It was great being given so much responsibility! I really felt liek a part of the team. I was even lucky enough to start getting my own med students! I had probably 2-3 recently finished 1st years come in to shadow, here's the funny part - me! It was really great though because it was at this point where I found out how much I have really learned. Their experience in clinical science was little to none so pretty much anything I was doing or seeing could have a teaching aspect to it which made my day that much better!
I tried my best to help in calls, though my team really wouldn't push much to wake me up sometimes but really I wanted to help. I didn't just let myself sleep through my rotation, lol. Anyway, patients on this floor really touched me and for some reason I really wasn't disheartened by these people who in great proportion were in hospice. In this month, I was given great exposure to end-of-life talks with family which was hard at first. I even had a patient that was such a pivotal point in my education, he became a huge part of my personal statement. It was with this patient I had spent two weeks with, through him learning of his terminal illness, to help managing his treatment and be there for his final days. It was even with this patient I gave my first family talk, completely alone mind you, as his passing took place between visits. Maybe this is something I could post for an example for future applicants if anyone would like to read it...
Anyway, staff were on this floor as well, some of whom still recognize me today 8 months later and still are great to chat with! My senior as well the heme/onc fellow were wonderful about letting me get exposed to procedures too. This month I was able to a thoracocentesis and a bone marrow biopsy on my own. The biopsy was a tad difficult pushing hard enough, so yes I had to get help from that but it was great. Maybe it was how hard I worked that they allowed me a chance to try my hand at a procedure.
All in all, this month was fabulous and I am seriously considering a fellowship in hematology/oncology. I really enjoyed my time and I know that must sound so morbid but I felt like it was a place where I belonged. It also seems to be a less stressful fellowship (althought mentally I am sure it could be seen as challenging) to choose from. I have been told that to apply for fellowship requires preparation as soon as my internship year. While applications and interviews begin in PGY-II year, connections, recommendations and research should be pursued from the beginning. I am not sure how true this acutally is but at least if I chose to do this, I think I might have a nice start. I have been doing research for some time now in the heme/onc department and am currently on research project #3 (I will talk about in another blog!). So at least I am some comfort in knowing that I am on track in case I would like to pursue this!
Well, this has been quite a long post but next up I will be talking about my general medicine month, which was my second of my IM rotation! :) As always, let me know of any questions! Talk to you all again soon!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Once upon a time...
Well, I thought I would begin where I left off - pediatrics. Definitely surprised by finding out that this speciality was not for me. I, along with many of my classmates were having a hard time getting a great teaching experience in this rotation as there were not any residents to work with. We had some time on the floor, outpatient clinic, PICU and dabbled in a few curbside days in endocrine and allery clinic. Really, I have to say that this was probably one of my rotations I have to say the least about. I thought a long time ago I would be working with children, particularly in hematology/oncology but that is no longer the case. While I enjoy seeing kids, I came to a single realization. If I were to do peds, I would have to specialize - meaning it would be at least 5-6 years of post graduate training. There is no way I could do general medicine for children. All the well-child visits were just a little too monotonus to bear with the crying, screaming, etc. Just not in the cards for me but this was good! Narrowing down my options for residency.
Then came the big day... MOVING DAY OUT OF SAGINAW!!!
The day I handed in my apartment keys and permanently moved home was more than I could ever explain. Now, being done with my 16 months on the island, 5th semester gone and my nearly entire 3rd year away from home, it was time - my time to come home and yes, as I can say now since I am now months out of this time, permanently.
As soon as I came back home it was a great weekend back then onto my greatest challenge yet - Beginning at Henry Ford Hospital for my internal medicine rotation! Really I felt that IM was the route that I was going to take as it was June and application season began early in July to start working on applications. I could write for hours, no, days on this topic. I absolutely had the best months of my medical education here. This rotation consisted of three months. The first was a specialized floor, just randomly picked for me but in guess what? Heme/Onc! It was a fabulous month and definitely one I will be elaborating on in the future. My second month was in a general medicine floor that was absolutely bustling with business, a very fast-paced and high turnover floor. My last month was in outpatient clinic which was a nice break form the q4 calls.
Of course, nothing during this time could compare to August 1st, 2009. That's right everyone, I am now a happily married woman! Tony and I are married and it was the most wonderful day in my life! Now, I know alot of people say that because maybe they have to but I'm telling you it was SO FUN! Our reception rocked so much that no one even left, we had to be kicked out to close the place down! The wedding actually took place between my 2nd and 3rd months of my IM rotation. I was SO lucky because I realized that I scheduled 13 weeks instead of 12 for my rotation. So I had to drop a week. I strategically placed it a week after my 2nd month ended, so I acutally ended up with a whole week off before the big day! It worked out awesome and have God to thank for that little blessing! Also, my attending for outpatient clinic allowed me to come in the following Wednesday to begin my outpatient month so I could enjoy a long weekend with my new husband! So kind of him! Of course, with school and his work we just couldn't take time for a honeymoon (which was later taken in December, three days in Waikiki and a seven day hawaiian cruise!!!) but we were able to drive up north the day after the wedding and relax together in peace and quiet! :)
Then it was back to work. Outpatient clinic began but it was much lighter than my inpatient months so it still felt like a vacation. I will be commenting on my IM rotation I am sure multiple times, perhaps one month per blog entry to catch up but they were wonderful. Internal medicine is truly the most facinating residency in my eyes. You get the best of all worlds and see everything! So by this time, my application was submitted the first week of September - and yes I have applied for a categorical position in internal medicine!
While we are on this topic, I might as well comment that I limited myself by applying to only local hospitals. I was told this was a dangerous strategy as I might not match but I knew that I would never want to move again and if that meant that I would have to match next year, so be it. Luckily, the interviews came rolling in! I received 8 interviews and took 6. They all went quite well actually great - I still say interviews are my thang ;). My personality has the chance to come out and I feel that I can read people and situations well to the point that I come across very personable. Throughout my interviews, I got comments back on how great my personal statement was and how impressed they were by my letters of recommendation and extracurriculars. Very positive interview season which began (surprisingly early) in late November with my last being mid-January. It was a great time but I still can't imagine being one of those people who applied to 100+ programs with over 10-20 interviews. Six was plenty for me.
As for now, I am still in my fourth year. I have some research under my belt now, a pulmonary elective and half of a GI elective down with only this month, two weeks of anesthesiology and one month of infectious disease to go! 2010 has been great to me so far!
I think though that I have quite a few topics to talk about in future blogs, that is if anyone ever looks back on this since I have been quite inconsistent over months and months... To be honest, I want to keep up with this blog. I think I have missed out on giving advice, venting and reaching others interested in this field by stopping my entries. It be nice to hear if anyone would even still be interested in me continuing but maybe I just will anyway for me :)! I will plan on talking about my floor months of IM, application process, interviews and catching up with my electives/research that I have been doing over the past few months. Let's see how well I do!
Then came the big day... MOVING DAY OUT OF SAGINAW!!!
The day I handed in my apartment keys and permanently moved home was more than I could ever explain. Now, being done with my 16 months on the island, 5th semester gone and my nearly entire 3rd year away from home, it was time - my time to come home and yes, as I can say now since I am now months out of this time, permanently.
As soon as I came back home it was a great weekend back then onto my greatest challenge yet - Beginning at Henry Ford Hospital for my internal medicine rotation! Really I felt that IM was the route that I was going to take as it was June and application season began early in July to start working on applications. I could write for hours, no, days on this topic. I absolutely had the best months of my medical education here. This rotation consisted of three months. The first was a specialized floor, just randomly picked for me but in guess what? Heme/Onc! It was a fabulous month and definitely one I will be elaborating on in the future. My second month was in a general medicine floor that was absolutely bustling with business, a very fast-paced and high turnover floor. My last month was in outpatient clinic which was a nice break form the q4 calls.
Of course, nothing during this time could compare to August 1st, 2009. That's right everyone, I am now a happily married woman! Tony and I are married and it was the most wonderful day in my life! Now, I know alot of people say that because maybe they have to but I'm telling you it was SO FUN! Our reception rocked so much that no one even left, we had to be kicked out to close the place down! The wedding actually took place between my 2nd and 3rd months of my IM rotation. I was SO lucky because I realized that I scheduled 13 weeks instead of 12 for my rotation. So I had to drop a week. I strategically placed it a week after my 2nd month ended, so I acutally ended up with a whole week off before the big day! It worked out awesome and have God to thank for that little blessing! Also, my attending for outpatient clinic allowed me to come in the following Wednesday to begin my outpatient month so I could enjoy a long weekend with my new husband! So kind of him! Of course, with school and his work we just couldn't take time for a honeymoon (which was later taken in December, three days in Waikiki and a seven day hawaiian cruise!!!) but we were able to drive up north the day after the wedding and relax together in peace and quiet! :)
Then it was back to work. Outpatient clinic began but it was much lighter than my inpatient months so it still felt like a vacation. I will be commenting on my IM rotation I am sure multiple times, perhaps one month per blog entry to catch up but they were wonderful. Internal medicine is truly the most facinating residency in my eyes. You get the best of all worlds and see everything! So by this time, my application was submitted the first week of September - and yes I have applied for a categorical position in internal medicine!
While we are on this topic, I might as well comment that I limited myself by applying to only local hospitals. I was told this was a dangerous strategy as I might not match but I knew that I would never want to move again and if that meant that I would have to match next year, so be it. Luckily, the interviews came rolling in! I received 8 interviews and took 6. They all went quite well actually great - I still say interviews are my thang ;). My personality has the chance to come out and I feel that I can read people and situations well to the point that I come across very personable. Throughout my interviews, I got comments back on how great my personal statement was and how impressed they were by my letters of recommendation and extracurriculars. Very positive interview season which began (surprisingly early) in late November with my last being mid-January. It was a great time but I still can't imagine being one of those people who applied to 100+ programs with over 10-20 interviews. Six was plenty for me.
As for now, I am still in my fourth year. I have some research under my belt now, a pulmonary elective and half of a GI elective down with only this month, two weeks of anesthesiology and one month of infectious disease to go! 2010 has been great to me so far!
I think though that I have quite a few topics to talk about in future blogs, that is if anyone ever looks back on this since I have been quite inconsistent over months and months... To be honest, I want to keep up with this blog. I think I have missed out on giving advice, venting and reaching others interested in this field by stopping my entries. It be nice to hear if anyone would even still be interested in me continuing but maybe I just will anyway for me :)! I will plan on talking about my floor months of IM, application process, interviews and catching up with my electives/research that I have been doing over the past few months. Let's see how well I do!
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Living the much updated and better life!
Well, being now the beginning of October - WHERE HAVE I BEEN? So many stories to tell! I have heard though from family that I really need to update my blog. Just letting all know that I am back and will be slowly updating what I have been up to lately.
Now being in the research department, I will have ample time to start where I left off and bring everyone to the present! :) Stay tuned, coming up next: Step 2CS, pediatrics and the end of Saginaw!
Now being in the research department, I will have ample time to start where I left off and bring everyone to the present! :) Stay tuned, coming up next: Step 2CS, pediatrics and the end of Saginaw!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Draggin' & Doubt...
Well radiology is over and it was a nice relaxing two weeks compared to the worst I have seen. While I saw the appeal as in every specialty, I know it isn't for me. Lately in fact, I wonder if anything is for me... While these past months have been stressful, I can't help but reflect back over the last time I was truly happy with medicine. Honestly, the last time I could think of was January, my trauma surgery month. Even though it was so very busy, it has been rough since it seems. Surely you all know of my infamous countdown to come home in about 5 weeks for good and I am truly hoping this is the reason for my lack of interest in what I am doing.
I find myself not as eager to study, to see patients or even to drive to the hospital! The best way I can explain it is - remember if you didn't want to go somewhere but your mom made you go, kickin' and screaming? Yeah that is me, except it is kinda in my head. I wake up thinking, "I don't want to go in at all" while I am getting ready. I get in my car and say to myself while I am driving into the hospital "Just turn the car around or better yet hit the highway home!" I am kicking and screaming in my head yet I am constantly forcing myself into each day. It sounds terrible I know... I have definitely hit some low points and constant thoughts of doubt. If this is how it is going to be, should I do this? Is it only because I am so SO fed up with being away from home? Could it just be the constant stress of presenting patients and getting critiqued by every preceptor - not because you aren't doing it the right way but you aren't doing it THEIR way? There are so many things bothing me as of late that overall, well, I truly feel like I have lost my passion... and I can't find it.
What happened to me? I used to be so invigorated by it all... Sigh, I'm not saying I am quitting or anything. I really don't think there is a way out even if I wanted. I mean it is so much easier said than done. What am I just going to NOT show up for clinicals tomorrow and drive home only to realize I am nearing $200K in debt? Oh no problem, I can work that off in - psh - well whatever other career I would choose would go off to paying off my $200K mistake. Ok, so obviously I have thought of it... I just keep wondering it is because I am away that I am feeling this way. I felt so good rotating at home and being able to live my life. Maybe that is what is missing? Maybe then I'll get that passion back? Okay, let's think positive and say that will happen. I run into another issue... Say I make it through this crazy last year and actually obtain my M.D. degree, lol. I still am not sure what specialty I would want.
Truth or dare: Truth. What specialties have lingered in my mind for more than 10 seconds? IM, OB/GYN, FM and to a lesser extent ER. Why? Don't get me wrong, I loved my month in it but something gets to me everytime I hear an ambulance or when we'd have to take care of a drunk moron for driving his snowmobile into a tree at 3am. I know it must sound so cruel but I don't want to spend my days taking care of people that don't minimally take care of themselves. Yes, you could make that argument with IM or FM for people not managing their hypertension or diabetes but to me that is different at least. So ok, what to do now with my final 3? Well, I truly love them all but I decided to look into where residents do their curriculum rotations. To be truthful (and I think that I will mean this more when I find that passion again lol) IM is the best. They get the IM floor, cardiology, respiratory, heme/onc, pulmonary, GI and so much more that all strike my interest. FM has many of the same rotations but it seems in shorter amounts of time. Sigh, so much to choose from but I think I know the direction I am bound to take. Just ready to know for sure!
I find myself not as eager to study, to see patients or even to drive to the hospital! The best way I can explain it is - remember if you didn't want to go somewhere but your mom made you go, kickin' and screaming? Yeah that is me, except it is kinda in my head. I wake up thinking, "I don't want to go in at all" while I am getting ready. I get in my car and say to myself while I am driving into the hospital "Just turn the car around or better yet hit the highway home!" I am kicking and screaming in my head yet I am constantly forcing myself into each day. It sounds terrible I know... I have definitely hit some low points and constant thoughts of doubt. If this is how it is going to be, should I do this? Is it only because I am so SO fed up with being away from home? Could it just be the constant stress of presenting patients and getting critiqued by every preceptor - not because you aren't doing it the right way but you aren't doing it THEIR way? There are so many things bothing me as of late that overall, well, I truly feel like I have lost my passion... and I can't find it.
What happened to me? I used to be so invigorated by it all... Sigh, I'm not saying I am quitting or anything. I really don't think there is a way out even if I wanted. I mean it is so much easier said than done. What am I just going to NOT show up for clinicals tomorrow and drive home only to realize I am nearing $200K in debt? Oh no problem, I can work that off in - psh - well whatever other career I would choose would go off to paying off my $200K mistake. Ok, so obviously I have thought of it... I just keep wondering it is because I am away that I am feeling this way. I felt so good rotating at home and being able to live my life. Maybe that is what is missing? Maybe then I'll get that passion back? Okay, let's think positive and say that will happen. I run into another issue... Say I make it through this crazy last year and actually obtain my M.D. degree, lol. I still am not sure what specialty I would want.
Truth or dare: Truth. What specialties have lingered in my mind for more than 10 seconds? IM, OB/GYN, FM and to a lesser extent ER. Why? Don't get me wrong, I loved my month in it but something gets to me everytime I hear an ambulance or when we'd have to take care of a drunk moron for driving his snowmobile into a tree at 3am. I know it must sound so cruel but I don't want to spend my days taking care of people that don't minimally take care of themselves. Yes, you could make that argument with IM or FM for people not managing their hypertension or diabetes but to me that is different at least. So ok, what to do now with my final 3? Well, I truly love them all but I decided to look into where residents do their curriculum rotations. To be truthful (and I think that I will mean this more when I find that passion again lol) IM is the best. They get the IM floor, cardiology, respiratory, heme/onc, pulmonary, GI and so much more that all strike my interest. FM has many of the same rotations but it seems in shorter amounts of time. Sigh, so much to choose from but I think I know the direction I am bound to take. Just ready to know for sure!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Life in a box...
Well, radiology is not as awful as I had thought. I am with a very nice doc that while he doesn't teach a whole lot, is not making these two weeks difficult either. Don't get me wrong, I love a challenge, but these two weeks were supposed to be vacation anyway ;). I cannot tell you how many films we have reviewed in only 3 days but I am enjoying it. I am not sure if it is going back to my anatomy roots, sitting in a dark room and getting all cozy or taking a break from endless H&Ps but it is a more relaxing way of spending these two weeks. I can see the appeal of this specialty though. It has to rank high on the lifestyle list with the hours they work, 8-4:30pm. Again too, I can see the appeal of being in a room alone just to get your work done and go home, but it totally is the opposite of what I saw my career to be like. I always wanted that patient contact. Although these past couple days, I don't have much sense of dread going to the hospital. Maybe because I know I just have to look at a screen and not worry about my interview or exam skills... Like I said though, for these two weeks it works just fine with me, a much needed relaxing rotation and hey - this is 2 weeks more of fourth year (now being a month total) that I have completed and will have that much extra time off early next year! Breaking it down, if I took no breaks for the Step and interviews, my medical school rotations end in the middle of February! How awesome would that be? Heck, graduation isn't until May and internship isn't until July!
I am not anticipating alot of time to study for the Step (planning on taking during my outpatient month of IM) and interviews - well, a topic for another post but I have I think about 12-15 programs I am looking to apply. After speaking with my medical education coordinator here in Saginaw, I supposedly should be applying to 60-150 programs... I can tell you now that will not happen. There are ~15 programs in Michigan and 2 in Ohio that I am looking to apply as I am not interested in doing a residency away from home. Yes, I know what that means. What if I don't match? What if I only get one interview? Well, I may be crapping my pants until the match - but if I don't match, then I don't. I had heard that people apply for 150 programs and only interview at a grand total of 7! I don't know if that was for a surgical residency or what but it really didn't push me anymore to go looking into out-of-state programs. I think that I will have a good shot especially if I can prove myself in my core this summer in Detroit. More of this to come in later posts but I just know how I feel about this situation and feel that I do understand the risks of such a choice.
Anyway, I better get going... I have more sitting around to do tonight (ok maybe some reading too). I just can't wait until the weekend arrives - home!
I am not anticipating alot of time to study for the Step (planning on taking during my outpatient month of IM) and interviews - well, a topic for another post but I have I think about 12-15 programs I am looking to apply. After speaking with my medical education coordinator here in Saginaw, I supposedly should be applying to 60-150 programs... I can tell you now that will not happen. There are ~15 programs in Michigan and 2 in Ohio that I am looking to apply as I am not interested in doing a residency away from home. Yes, I know what that means. What if I don't match? What if I only get one interview? Well, I may be crapping my pants until the match - but if I don't match, then I don't. I had heard that people apply for 150 programs and only interview at a grand total of 7! I don't know if that was for a surgical residency or what but it really didn't push me anymore to go looking into out-of-state programs. I think that I will have a good shot especially if I can prove myself in my core this summer in Detroit. More of this to come in later posts but I just know how I feel about this situation and feel that I do understand the risks of such a choice.
Anyway, I better get going... I have more sitting around to do tonight (ok maybe some reading too). I just can't wait until the weekend arrives - home!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Finding a balance?
I'm troubled tonight thinking of what is to become of my life. To me, I know it will be everything I ever wanted and perfect. I will be a wife, mother and physician just to name a few...
I guess what has got me thinking more is just planning my final year and learning from the experiences of others. Tomorrow begins my attempt at securing more rotation spots to finish up medical school and it is completely exhausting to worry about finding places near home. Nothing else I can really comment on that now but I will keep you posted on how things go in that regard. Though tonight I watched a show on NOVA, "Doctor's Diaries". All were great physicians, all dedicated and all seemingly consumed by work. The men physician would get divorced or have wives that would stay home with the children and the women physicians would have no social life at all.
So two ends of the spectrum. My life as like the rest of the world will be indeed wonderful but not perfect. On the other side, I am not looking to be consumed by this career. I love it so much but there is point that I an not looking to cross. I know eventually, sometime in my career -years after residency ends - I will not be looking for a full-time job (in med terms, what like 60ish hours?). Whatever it is, I know I want to be there for my children. While I know I won't be able to be a full time stay-at-home mom, but I have no interest in sacrificing that aspect of my life for medicine. Reading that back to myself it sounded kind of harsh but what does that mean? Why do I feel like this awful person for not feeling different? Truthfully, when I am set in my career I feel fine about that statement. It is just this stupid 4th year I have to plan that is making this so difficult. I have the option of staying in Saginaw for the rest of my education - to have it all planned out and set for graduation. Yet, I am opting for making it more difficult on myself and planning it on my own to be near home. On the one hand I think I am an idiot. On the other, I think it is long overdue and I should do what is in my heart. Head vs. heart is what we have going on here people... The eternal battle. Wait no, that is good and evil... anyway...
Just what am I to do. At this point, it is April and I still have some time to figure this out. Hopefully some luck will strike me and I can work closer to home. The thing of it is, I just don't miss being around home - I am physically starting to feel it. Mentally, oh please that has been around for what probably is years, for which I have slapped myself out of many, MANY times. I am honestly physically feeling sick when I leave home. As I have told my own mother, my heart literally aches everytime as I begin my drive away from my home. It's just like, exactly like, I am just leaving a part of me there and without that piece I cannot fully engage myself in the tasks that are at hand. Again, on the one hand I feel so good having this thought, because I know my upcoming wedding is just so right, it is that piece of comfort and peace that I will have in my life forever. On the other hand, I want to yell at myself for not being tougher and sticking through this like other students - as I am not the only one to have sacrificed for this path chosen. All the years I have worked, I feel like wanting that comfort and peace is giving up or wrong. Again, in my eyes this is just another case of head vs. heart.
I am not expecting to come to a conclusion tonight. Haha, even if I wanted to - it wouldn't happen anyway. All I know is maybe I just need to ingore them both and go with another alternative - my gut. Tonight? My gut is telling me to start listening to my heart and pray. The rest will fall into place... at least I hope for that and maybe in my own heart my life will become maybe not a perfect life to all - but the perfect life for me.
I guess what has got me thinking more is just planning my final year and learning from the experiences of others. Tomorrow begins my attempt at securing more rotation spots to finish up medical school and it is completely exhausting to worry about finding places near home. Nothing else I can really comment on that now but I will keep you posted on how things go in that regard. Though tonight I watched a show on NOVA, "Doctor's Diaries". All were great physicians, all dedicated and all seemingly consumed by work. The men physician would get divorced or have wives that would stay home with the children and the women physicians would have no social life at all.
So two ends of the spectrum. My life as like the rest of the world will be indeed wonderful but not perfect. On the other side, I am not looking to be consumed by this career. I love it so much but there is point that I an not looking to cross. I know eventually, sometime in my career -years after residency ends - I will not be looking for a full-time job (in med terms, what like 60ish hours?). Whatever it is, I know I want to be there for my children. While I know I won't be able to be a full time stay-at-home mom, but I have no interest in sacrificing that aspect of my life for medicine. Reading that back to myself it sounded kind of harsh but what does that mean? Why do I feel like this awful person for not feeling different? Truthfully, when I am set in my career I feel fine about that statement. It is just this stupid 4th year I have to plan that is making this so difficult. I have the option of staying in Saginaw for the rest of my education - to have it all planned out and set for graduation. Yet, I am opting for making it more difficult on myself and planning it on my own to be near home. On the one hand I think I am an idiot. On the other, I think it is long overdue and I should do what is in my heart. Head vs. heart is what we have going on here people... The eternal battle. Wait no, that is good and evil... anyway...
Just what am I to do. At this point, it is April and I still have some time to figure this out. Hopefully some luck will strike me and I can work closer to home. The thing of it is, I just don't miss being around home - I am physically starting to feel it. Mentally, oh please that has been around for what probably is years, for which I have slapped myself out of many, MANY times. I am honestly physically feeling sick when I leave home. As I have told my own mother, my heart literally aches everytime as I begin my drive away from my home. It's just like, exactly like, I am just leaving a part of me there and without that piece I cannot fully engage myself in the tasks that are at hand. Again, on the one hand I feel so good having this thought, because I know my upcoming wedding is just so right, it is that piece of comfort and peace that I will have in my life forever. On the other hand, I want to yell at myself for not being tougher and sticking through this like other students - as I am not the only one to have sacrificed for this path chosen. All the years I have worked, I feel like wanting that comfort and peace is giving up or wrong. Again, in my eyes this is just another case of head vs. heart.
I am not expecting to come to a conclusion tonight. Haha, even if I wanted to - it wouldn't happen anyway. All I know is maybe I just need to ingore them both and go with another alternative - my gut. Tonight? My gut is telling me to start listening to my heart and pray. The rest will fall into place... at least I hope for that and maybe in my own heart my life will become maybe not a perfect life to all - but the perfect life for me.
Monday, April 13, 2009
*~Spring has sprung!~*
Guess who? Yes, I know I haven't been around in a long while. Lately this has been a hard thing to remedy. Like I always say, after my day is done it is hard to go back and relive the whole day so I had started to forget to write. Maybe that has been my problem too because my bitterness as of late has increased. So much has happened though since I have last written and all I intend to write about. First of all surgery is over!!! I had gotten through my last week with my second surgeon and could not wait for it to end. He gave me some constructive criticism for my last day, shook my hand and went on his way. I ran in the completely opposite direction, haha! See ya! I must say that my month with him was the hardest month in medical school for me. I have always been dreading my surgery rotation and for the exact reason for the month of February! I learned though - mostly to speak with confidence more and get thicker skin. Since that month has ended our program has our last month in the ER.
Let me tell you that I went in that month scared to ask a single question or to do anything wrong. I was like a neglected puppy that was placed in a new warm and educationally encouraging environment, and I felt... relief! I felt like I could be myself and actually enjoy being a student again. This was the whole month of March and I had 10 shifts of 10 hours. Shifts were either 6am-4pm, 1pm-11pm or 10pm-8am. The ER was full of encouragement and praise on my end. I felt like I went from being the stupidest student on earth to... well, someone that could actually pass as a physician next spring! For those looking for a great rotation before USMLE Step 2 CS - do ER! (Yes, in my absence from this blog I have taken my CS - don't worry I will talk about it too!!!) The ER gave me so much autonomy - freedom to take the reins of my own clinical experience. I was able to do my own H&Ps, differentials, workups (granted it was the resident ordering the tests but I was always asked what my differential was and what tests I would like to order). You guys - that's CS right there. A perfect month of preparation! :) That being said, if I fail my exam, my story will change. Since I just took this exam recently, I will save that for another entry but all in all it felt good and dare I say - kinda fun!
So, what is on my plate now? I just went home for two weeks after my surgery rotation completed and spent it planning the wedding, enjoying my time with family and friends and of course getting yet another glimpse of what life will be like in a matter of weeks (not months anymore!) when I move home for ever after with my Tony and puppy Maggie. Soon my time of travel will be over. No more island, no more living out of a suitcase in a hotel or a one-person apartment. Yes folks, after nearing 3 years I officially feel like my dues are paid and it is time to pick up where I left off. The summer will be spent in Detroit, which is very close to my home and I can only wish that I make a great enough impression to hopefully get the opportunity to interview there and obtain a residency! I can't wait. My homecoming has been long awaited and the emotions that I am sure will come over me will be something I have never seen. I appreciate all the opportunities that I have been given and the blessings I have had for being this close, but the time has come and I am at my limit for what my career is worth - and it calls for home... Having this without my family and friends is just less worth it as of late and it cannot come at a more perfect time. When I am home and working - it is the best of both worlds. To come home to my fiance and puppy (just turned a year old, so I guess not a puppy anymore right? :)), is just the best feeling ever. Knowing I can be with them all night long and go to work the next day only to return right back will be the best blessing ever after being through all I have these past years.
As for now, I have returned this morning to Saginaw to begin my radiology rotation which will be two weeks long. I really believe that this rotation is so valuable to any student. While they aren't the most stimulating days, maybe that is what I need now since I am kinda "checked out". After this on April 24th, I start my pediatric rotation which ends June 5th - the last day in Saginaw! I am sure I will be writing more as my countdown quickens and I just can't contain myself anymore! Well, I am sure I have some holes in my stories and have more to talk about but I will get to it soon. Today my day was 8am-3:30pm and with all that time I should have ample time to blog, hmm? :) I'm gonna read and relax but I will catch you all soon.
Let me tell you that I went in that month scared to ask a single question or to do anything wrong. I was like a neglected puppy that was placed in a new warm and educationally encouraging environment, and I felt... relief! I felt like I could be myself and actually enjoy being a student again. This was the whole month of March and I had 10 shifts of 10 hours. Shifts were either 6am-4pm, 1pm-11pm or 10pm-8am. The ER was full of encouragement and praise on my end. I felt like I went from being the stupidest student on earth to... well, someone that could actually pass as a physician next spring! For those looking for a great rotation before USMLE Step 2 CS - do ER! (Yes, in my absence from this blog I have taken my CS - don't worry I will talk about it too!!!) The ER gave me so much autonomy - freedom to take the reins of my own clinical experience. I was able to do my own H&Ps, differentials, workups (granted it was the resident ordering the tests but I was always asked what my differential was and what tests I would like to order). You guys - that's CS right there. A perfect month of preparation! :) That being said, if I fail my exam, my story will change. Since I just took this exam recently, I will save that for another entry but all in all it felt good and dare I say - kinda fun!
So, what is on my plate now? I just went home for two weeks after my surgery rotation completed and spent it planning the wedding, enjoying my time with family and friends and of course getting yet another glimpse of what life will be like in a matter of weeks (not months anymore!) when I move home for ever after with my Tony and puppy Maggie. Soon my time of travel will be over. No more island, no more living out of a suitcase in a hotel or a one-person apartment. Yes folks, after nearing 3 years I officially feel like my dues are paid and it is time to pick up where I left off. The summer will be spent in Detroit, which is very close to my home and I can only wish that I make a great enough impression to hopefully get the opportunity to interview there and obtain a residency! I can't wait. My homecoming has been long awaited and the emotions that I am sure will come over me will be something I have never seen. I appreciate all the opportunities that I have been given and the blessings I have had for being this close, but the time has come and I am at my limit for what my career is worth - and it calls for home... Having this without my family and friends is just less worth it as of late and it cannot come at a more perfect time. When I am home and working - it is the best of both worlds. To come home to my fiance and puppy (just turned a year old, so I guess not a puppy anymore right? :)), is just the best feeling ever. Knowing I can be with them all night long and go to work the next day only to return right back will be the best blessing ever after being through all I have these past years.
As for now, I have returned this morning to Saginaw to begin my radiology rotation which will be two weeks long. I really believe that this rotation is so valuable to any student. While they aren't the most stimulating days, maybe that is what I need now since I am kinda "checked out". After this on April 24th, I start my pediatric rotation which ends June 5th - the last day in Saginaw! I am sure I will be writing more as my countdown quickens and I just can't contain myself anymore! Well, I am sure I have some holes in my stories and have more to talk about but I will get to it soon. Today my day was 8am-3:30pm and with all that time I should have ample time to blog, hmm? :) I'm gonna read and relax but I will catch you all soon.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Nobody said it was easy...
Time is surely ticking down on surgery and I couldn't be more thrilled! I really wanted to post more on this rotation but when I take the time to write, it is like I have to relive it all over again. Usually when the day is over - it is the last thing I want to think about, unfortunately for you. Well, fortunately for you I am stuck here in Saginaw, as my attending as asked me to come in and round in the morning. Afterwards, I will have the rest of Saturday and Sunday off and plan on heading back home. So, here I am bored and realize what a perfect time to update people on my rotation ;)!
So this was the third week with my second attending and it was a better one. I don't know what it was but I have been getting most questions right, doing much better on my notes as far as my plans go and overall just getting along better with him. After last week, I really thought about how his work ethic affected me and how others (staff, students, residents, etc.) really had similar experiences as me. I know that it isn't just me. Being strict, unrelenting and at times condescending is just his way and maybe not even how he'd see it. I have felt like over this past week he has the military "break 'em down and build 'em up" style. I say that because my first two weeks were brutal. I mean to the point of crying most days and leaving the hospital feeling lower than dirt. Nothing I could do would please him and it was just a fight that I could not win. It is still somewhat to that point but he is seemingly more happy with my work, praising me more, joking with me more and generally a more pleasant man to be around.
I hate (really) to admit it and I am sure this happens with many students. When you are getting to the end of a rotation that you really did not like, you are sooooo happy but then have a sense of hindsight. I do not like the phrase "hindsight is 20/20", because well... duh. It's the same thing as finding something lost "in the last place you look". Anyway, I am slowly seeing how I have learned this month. While I am not learning ICU management or a plethora of information, I know I have become just that much tougher. Sure, I have gained some knowledge too, of course - but I think the majority of what I have learned is to work up a better plan, thinking to read up on patient's conditions while I have them and becoming more confident. My plans are improving, patient conditions I try to read on but when you never know where questions are coming from you just get sidetracked and completely are oblivious to thinking ahead to what the next day's questions might bring. Confidence is still something majorly in the works. It is coming along though.
Today, I had rounded and found out there was nothing else much to do for the day. Hoping I would get a break and allowed the weekend off, I was told to come in tomorrow morning to round and couldn't be happier about it (ahhemmm). Anyway, so tomorrow I will round and head home for a day or so. Next week? My last week of surgery baby! Well, there is still a month of ER to go in my rotation but it is completely different. No calls, no rounding, no lectures. Just 10 hour shifts. So next week marks a huge point for me in my medical education. As always, it hasn't and probably will not hit me for a while but I hope it does. There is a Hawaiian Ball next Friday that I cannot wait to attend for our local firefighters at home. It is dinner, dancing and... open bar! Also, it is on the same day that my surgery months end and I am sure I will be partying it up! I have really started to work on my diet (less junk and such) and began my workout regimen again that I have ignored for about 3 weeks. I am slowly getting back to my old self and can only hope that I see more of this. I know I will appreciate it as well as others who have heard me yabbering on about how stressed I have been.
Well, I am going to do some reading and relax a bit before heading to bed. I can't wait to head home in the morning!
So this was the third week with my second attending and it was a better one. I don't know what it was but I have been getting most questions right, doing much better on my notes as far as my plans go and overall just getting along better with him. After last week, I really thought about how his work ethic affected me and how others (staff, students, residents, etc.) really had similar experiences as me. I know that it isn't just me. Being strict, unrelenting and at times condescending is just his way and maybe not even how he'd see it. I have felt like over this past week he has the military "break 'em down and build 'em up" style. I say that because my first two weeks were brutal. I mean to the point of crying most days and leaving the hospital feeling lower than dirt. Nothing I could do would please him and it was just a fight that I could not win. It is still somewhat to that point but he is seemingly more happy with my work, praising me more, joking with me more and generally a more pleasant man to be around.
I hate (really) to admit it and I am sure this happens with many students. When you are getting to the end of a rotation that you really did not like, you are sooooo happy but then have a sense of hindsight. I do not like the phrase "hindsight is 20/20", because well... duh. It's the same thing as finding something lost "in the last place you look". Anyway, I am slowly seeing how I have learned this month. While I am not learning ICU management or a plethora of information, I know I have become just that much tougher. Sure, I have gained some knowledge too, of course - but I think the majority of what I have learned is to work up a better plan, thinking to read up on patient's conditions while I have them and becoming more confident. My plans are improving, patient conditions I try to read on but when you never know where questions are coming from you just get sidetracked and completely are oblivious to thinking ahead to what the next day's questions might bring. Confidence is still something majorly in the works. It is coming along though.
Today, I had rounded and found out there was nothing else much to do for the day. Hoping I would get a break and allowed the weekend off, I was told to come in tomorrow morning to round and couldn't be happier about it (ahhemmm). Anyway, so tomorrow I will round and head home for a day or so. Next week? My last week of surgery baby! Well, there is still a month of ER to go in my rotation but it is completely different. No calls, no rounding, no lectures. Just 10 hour shifts. So next week marks a huge point for me in my medical education. As always, it hasn't and probably will not hit me for a while but I hope it does. There is a Hawaiian Ball next Friday that I cannot wait to attend for our local firefighters at home. It is dinner, dancing and... open bar! Also, it is on the same day that my surgery months end and I am sure I will be partying it up! I have really started to work on my diet (less junk and such) and began my workout regimen again that I have ignored for about 3 weeks. I am slowly getting back to my old self and can only hope that I see more of this. I know I will appreciate it as well as others who have heard me yabbering on about how stressed I have been.
Well, I am going to do some reading and relax a bit before heading to bed. I can't wait to head home in the morning!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Oh surgery, how I love thee - let me count the ways (not).
As you all probably know, I am sorry for my lack of posts over the past couple of weeks. Surgery is ... well, surgery. Overall I am sure that I will be getting a positive overall experience but I truly feel that I learned much more out of my first month than this one.
To start off, my first month ended spectacular. I found a wonderful book on the ICU call "The ICU Book" (haha). I really haven't had much time to read it since I started my new month of surgery but I can't wait to get to it once it is over! I truly loved trauma surgery and mostly I guess it was for the ICU patients. I think that I have determined that IM is the way that I am going to go in residency. Not 100% sure yet, but pretty darn close to that! I am thinking of specializing as well and at the top of my list is oncology but we will have to see. Anyway, at the end of trauma, I have learned so much, done procedures (PEGs, art line, femoral triple lumen, pulling chest tubes, etc), closed in surgery, done countless H&Ps (which I think I am kinda getting the point of *wink*) on top of learning so much in rounds! I was never criticized for having the wrong answer, sometimes told to check up on some things but for the most part having my attendings take the time to teach me. I left that month, feeling like I worked as hard as I could have and got nothing but good reviews of my performance. Who knows if that will translate into an 'A' but if not it is ok. Truly I am just trying to get through it.
So... this month. Yeah. Much different. Let me tell you, I would rather be on the trauma service for another month of 80-90 hours a week than what I am doing now. While my attending gives off a nice vibe, it is the majority of these last two weeks with him that I have felt just as how I thought the "typical surgical student" would feel. I am criticized quite often, rarely praised and pretty much nothing can please the man. When I get things wrong, I am given a good talk about how I need to read more (if I am even reading in the first place to him). If I am right, just more questions come until I get something wrong most likely. If I try to ask a question to clarify after I do something wrong, it is taken as trying to justify myself. I have already been told to shut my mouth when he is trying to make a point and to speak when he asks questions. It goes on and on. I know he has so much to teach and is a smart guy but I haven't learned 25% of what I did last month. Everyday I go in thinking that I will get SOMETHING out of this month - even to be more thick-skinned or quicker in responding to questions with more definite answers - but it usually comes out as a flop at the end of the day. I really am trying hard but I must admit that the constant comments and criticism of my work - to the point where he thinks I go home and just watch tv, MAKES me want to just go home and do that. If he will not believe that I am actually studying no matter how hard I try - why should I? What's the point?
We were in surgery for a total thyroidectomy and I read up good on it. I will admit I get super nervous when questions come. This is diminishing because for the 1/2 of the questions I get wrong (if not more) I am just getting used to that "oh shit" feeling in the pit of my stomach. So I read up on the thyroid well and in the 2 hour procedure I get 4 questions - 4! Out of the whole thyroid. Of course in the book I am reading it breaks down anatomy, physiology, diseases, surgical points in preventing complications, etc. Notta one question on what I read. So automatically, I must not have read because I answered 1/2 of the questions wrong. This was not the first time this has happened. At the end of the surgery when I was getting lectured, I was tired of it and told him that I did in fact read and he didn't ask anything about what I covered. I don't know what he thought of that but he told me to go ahead and tell him what I studied. So I spend a couple minutes telling him of anatomy, things to watch out for in surgeries, etc. Who knows if he was satisfied or more upset but I was tired of it. Some of his questions are just too advanced it seems for me - but I take it in stride hoping that I will learn even more. When I was asked to what I would like the D5 0.9%NS maintanence fluid rate to be set at for the patient post-op, well thank goodness I was wearing my mask because I was like whaaaatttt... Positive note? I now know how to do that. When I didn't know however it was shocking to him. His favorite line of this month is, "You have had a month of trauma surgery and you don't know how to do this/know this?"... sigh. What can I say, I am trying and furthermore... Only 2 more weeks! Less than that actually, as he is on vacation until Tuesday (so I am with his partners) and of course I have lectures to attend, conferences, meetings and still one more call. Only one more on-call in surgery!
I truly cannot wait until this month is over. Again, I will be in the ER next month for what is now 10 shifts of 10 hours thoughout the month. Umm, sweet!??? Plently of time to study for my shelf exam and Step 2 CS! Oy, but surgery just needs to end and I don't see why Ross has such a long surgical rotation. I was with a MSU student yesterday and he just had 4 weeks. Lucky duck. Anyway, I have made it this far and am currently finishing up the part of medical school I have been dreading for 3 years. It is almost over and to me, everything will be downhill from here. I have no idea what my grade will be in this rotation and as long as I pass... whatever!
Whew, felt good to get that off my chest. I still have a bunch more to talk about with other things but I will save it for another day soon to come. I am sure once this month ends (last day is February 27th) I will have so much more time to post! :)
Well, I am post-call and it is time to get ready to see my sweetie who is coming up to see me for Valentines Day! We are thinking of maybe going out to a comedy club which would be great. I could really use some comedy in my life at the moment ;)!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY (or Happy Hallmark Holiday - whichever you prefer!)
To start off, my first month ended spectacular. I found a wonderful book on the ICU call "The ICU Book" (haha). I really haven't had much time to read it since I started my new month of surgery but I can't wait to get to it once it is over! I truly loved trauma surgery and mostly I guess it was for the ICU patients. I think that I have determined that IM is the way that I am going to go in residency. Not 100% sure yet, but pretty darn close to that! I am thinking of specializing as well and at the top of my list is oncology but we will have to see. Anyway, at the end of trauma, I have learned so much, done procedures (PEGs, art line, femoral triple lumen, pulling chest tubes, etc), closed in surgery, done countless H&Ps (which I think I am kinda getting the point of *wink*) on top of learning so much in rounds! I was never criticized for having the wrong answer, sometimes told to check up on some things but for the most part having my attendings take the time to teach me. I left that month, feeling like I worked as hard as I could have and got nothing but good reviews of my performance. Who knows if that will translate into an 'A' but if not it is ok. Truly I am just trying to get through it.
So... this month. Yeah. Much different. Let me tell you, I would rather be on the trauma service for another month of 80-90 hours a week than what I am doing now. While my attending gives off a nice vibe, it is the majority of these last two weeks with him that I have felt just as how I thought the "typical surgical student" would feel. I am criticized quite often, rarely praised and pretty much nothing can please the man. When I get things wrong, I am given a good talk about how I need to read more (if I am even reading in the first place to him). If I am right, just more questions come until I get something wrong most likely. If I try to ask a question to clarify after I do something wrong, it is taken as trying to justify myself. I have already been told to shut my mouth when he is trying to make a point and to speak when he asks questions. It goes on and on. I know he has so much to teach and is a smart guy but I haven't learned 25% of what I did last month. Everyday I go in thinking that I will get SOMETHING out of this month - even to be more thick-skinned or quicker in responding to questions with more definite answers - but it usually comes out as a flop at the end of the day. I really am trying hard but I must admit that the constant comments and criticism of my work - to the point where he thinks I go home and just watch tv, MAKES me want to just go home and do that. If he will not believe that I am actually studying no matter how hard I try - why should I? What's the point?
We were in surgery for a total thyroidectomy and I read up good on it. I will admit I get super nervous when questions come. This is diminishing because for the 1/2 of the questions I get wrong (if not more) I am just getting used to that "oh shit" feeling in the pit of my stomach. So I read up on the thyroid well and in the 2 hour procedure I get 4 questions - 4! Out of the whole thyroid. Of course in the book I am reading it breaks down anatomy, physiology, diseases, surgical points in preventing complications, etc. Notta one question on what I read. So automatically, I must not have read because I answered 1/2 of the questions wrong. This was not the first time this has happened. At the end of the surgery when I was getting lectured, I was tired of it and told him that I did in fact read and he didn't ask anything about what I covered. I don't know what he thought of that but he told me to go ahead and tell him what I studied. So I spend a couple minutes telling him of anatomy, things to watch out for in surgeries, etc. Who knows if he was satisfied or more upset but I was tired of it. Some of his questions are just too advanced it seems for me - but I take it in stride hoping that I will learn even more. When I was asked to what I would like the D5 0.9%NS maintanence fluid rate to be set at for the patient post-op, well thank goodness I was wearing my mask because I was like whaaaatttt... Positive note? I now know how to do that. When I didn't know however it was shocking to him. His favorite line of this month is, "You have had a month of trauma surgery and you don't know how to do this/know this?"... sigh. What can I say, I am trying and furthermore... Only 2 more weeks! Less than that actually, as he is on vacation until Tuesday (so I am with his partners) and of course I have lectures to attend, conferences, meetings and still one more call. Only one more on-call in surgery!
I truly cannot wait until this month is over. Again, I will be in the ER next month for what is now 10 shifts of 10 hours thoughout the month. Umm, sweet!??? Plently of time to study for my shelf exam and Step 2 CS! Oy, but surgery just needs to end and I don't see why Ross has such a long surgical rotation. I was with a MSU student yesterday and he just had 4 weeks. Lucky duck. Anyway, I have made it this far and am currently finishing up the part of medical school I have been dreading for 3 years. It is almost over and to me, everything will be downhill from here. I have no idea what my grade will be in this rotation and as long as I pass... whatever!
Whew, felt good to get that off my chest. I still have a bunch more to talk about with other things but I will save it for another day soon to come. I am sure once this month ends (last day is February 27th) I will have so much more time to post! :)
Well, I am post-call and it is time to get ready to see my sweetie who is coming up to see me for Valentines Day! We are thinking of maybe going out to a comedy club which would be great. I could really use some comedy in my life at the moment ;)!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY (or Happy Hallmark Holiday - whichever you prefer!)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Onward to week 3...
My one free weekend of the month - and what a relaxing weekend it was! It was so good to be home and to rest up a little. I had one trauma during call Thursday night, otherwise pretty much uneventful. Alas, here I am about to begin week three of surgery. Two calls left this month, one being tomorrow and my last on Friday. At the end of next week, I will be done with my trauma service, my time with the trauma team and be half way done with surgery. Whew. I can't wait. Once I start my 2nd month and get that underway, I will be so thrilled to start saying, "Only 3 more weeks!". Seems so far away but it is coming. Of course, after these two months I will still have 4 weeks of ER but from everyone I have talked to, it is alot of fun. Out of 31 days in March, I will have 16 shifts of 10 hours. Much more time off, no call and truly the start of a much better life as a medical student. The hardest part mentally and physically of medical school will be over and done with and I will be able to focus on all the great things to come afterwards.
Just on the drive back up to Saginaw, I was just thinking of how long this saga has been going. Since August of 2006 I have been away from friends and family, living out of a suitcase, moving from apartment, hotel, another apartment, etc. Granted I have been able to drive home many weekends and at times come home during a scheduling hiatus - but soon, June of 2009, it is finally over. I find myself so excited I can barely contain myself thinking of how strange it will be to use my suitcases for trips instead of another move back to a city that isn't my own. Also how strange will it be to be home with Tony and Maggie, to wake up knowing while my days are still going to be long, I will always be coming home to them each and every night. Just to be back home living life again, getting ready for my wedding, to be a wife, to take spring and summer trips to the cabin, gosh so much...
It is hard when so much stands in the way of getting to that point. Truly though, going back to August 2006 and looking forward to such things would be a bit far-fetched. Now, nearly February 2009 - it is really not so absurb to think of such things. I guess it is all in perspective. Heck even after this month of trauma, my 2nd month could be even better. I know my next attending has earlier hours but as far as weekends and times when the day is finished might be better at times that this month. How wonderful it would be to be an improvement from this month, considering this month thus far has been, dare I say, a pleasure.
As you can see, so much is on my mind tonight as it usually is when I have to pack up my car Sunday afternoon, say goodbye to my man and puppy, only to see them hopefully within the next 2-3 weeks... Luckily, my mind is in a good place tonight which traditionally has not been the norm when I have to leave home. I am hoping in this whole change of mentality, I am seeing the bright, bright light at the end of the tunnel. After 16 months on the island, 5th semester, the Comp (twice), the USMLE Step 1, FM, Psychiatry, OB/GYN, and my ENT elective - and in the near future to be surgery and a quick rotation in peds - collectively nearing 3 years (from August 2006-June 2009), I will be living the life that I have been dreaming of ever since the very day I left on that plane for Dominica. I'm holding on for that day and when it comes, life will just never be the same!
Just on the drive back up to Saginaw, I was just thinking of how long this saga has been going. Since August of 2006 I have been away from friends and family, living out of a suitcase, moving from apartment, hotel, another apartment, etc. Granted I have been able to drive home many weekends and at times come home during a scheduling hiatus - but soon, June of 2009, it is finally over. I find myself so excited I can barely contain myself thinking of how strange it will be to use my suitcases for trips instead of another move back to a city that isn't my own. Also how strange will it be to be home with Tony and Maggie, to wake up knowing while my days are still going to be long, I will always be coming home to them each and every night. Just to be back home living life again, getting ready for my wedding, to be a wife, to take spring and summer trips to the cabin, gosh so much...
It is hard when so much stands in the way of getting to that point. Truly though, going back to August 2006 and looking forward to such things would be a bit far-fetched. Now, nearly February 2009 - it is really not so absurb to think of such things. I guess it is all in perspective. Heck even after this month of trauma, my 2nd month could be even better. I know my next attending has earlier hours but as far as weekends and times when the day is finished might be better at times that this month. How wonderful it would be to be an improvement from this month, considering this month thus far has been, dare I say, a pleasure.
As you can see, so much is on my mind tonight as it usually is when I have to pack up my car Sunday afternoon, say goodbye to my man and puppy, only to see them hopefully within the next 2-3 weeks... Luckily, my mind is in a good place tonight which traditionally has not been the norm when I have to leave home. I am hoping in this whole change of mentality, I am seeing the bright, bright light at the end of the tunnel. After 16 months on the island, 5th semester, the Comp (twice), the USMLE Step 1, FM, Psychiatry, OB/GYN, and my ENT elective - and in the near future to be surgery and a quick rotation in peds - collectively nearing 3 years (from August 2006-June 2009), I will be living the life that I have been dreaming of ever since the very day I left on that plane for Dominica. I'm holding on for that day and when it comes, life will just never be the same!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Pushing forward - Second call over...
Time just keeps on tickin' and a good thought for all of you out there dreading surgery - days go by quickly. Seriously, hours just fly and before you know it you are mid-afternoon so close to getting home. Of course, some days drag on but the majority of the time it goes fast - especially if you keep yourself busy as much as possible. Here is a BIG tip in surviving surgery (while I know I am nearing only 2 weeks into it):
1.) CHANGE YOUR MENTALITY!!! I had to very much so. Not so much physically but I thought that I would seriously die from this rotation out of exhaustion and harassment from the surgery team. Things truly now (at least for this month) could not be further from the truth. It is so hard for me not to say, "Three months to go.". It made me sad and cry everyday before I just came to change my mentality. I don't even count my 3rd month now because it is 16 shifts of 10 hours in the ER. Not bad, no call. So now from 12, I am down to 8 weeks, 2 of which are nearly over. Changing your mentality! It is hard for me to take it one day at a time but really, with the trauma team I am on, I do feel like I am a wee bit useful with my getting up way before the crack of dawn to pre-round on as many patients as I can to lighten the load for the rest of the team. Of course, I hope it impresses them, hope that it is appreciated and noticed - but above all I have changed my mentality. I now tell myself, "The more you do in pre-rounding, the quicker you can get to relax before rounds, finish rounds and get back to the apartment."
I cannot even explain how much of this is a mental game to convince yourself to push onward one day at a time. I resisted so hard to change the way I thought. I still will have hard days and some of the hardest are when my perspective is lost, in that I WILL be done with soon. It is just another hurdle and the best time of my life is yet to come when I move back home, get married and more! In this rotation though, getting up in the morning is still the worst part of my day, but knowing I will be in the hospital within the hour pre-rounding and getting the job done makes me happy because that probably the one time of the day I can truly shine and show that I am up for the challenge. Questions you can get wrong, procedures you can do and be talked though, but here is the one time you can show true initiative.
2.) Surgery cannot - I repeat - cannot take away your "me" time!!! I have a strict schedule (kinda). I need my time and I will have it - even if it means that I get less sleep. I shower before bed, have my clothes laid out so when I roll out of bed I get dressed and walk about the door (without breakfast (I can get some food in the resident on-call room), I can do it in 10 minutes!) I finish my day (12-13 hour days when I am not on call lol) - but then? Well, I workout! Something I refuse to compromise on. Before surgery I did 5 days a week. That is a bit too much I think to handle for me, so I count my on-call days as "workout days" even though it isn't much of a workout. Just the mental stress and physical stamina it takes is enough. So technically, with that I still get my 5 days a week. What else? I get in a bubble bath when I feel like I need one, have a cocktail or two (;D), watch TV (while looking up things I jotted down thoughout the day during rounds that I didn't understand) and do some leisure reading (reading "Marley and Me" right now). Whatever you would like to do - DO IT. There is time, even if it is cut short you don't come home to dread another day because you "don't have a life". Sure you are in the hospital 6 days a week - well that day off will be FAB-u-lous!
Can you see this post is really for me still, too? Haha, okay - I have more tips I am sure to come but those are so far up on the list, I had to talk about them. If anyone ever feels that dread or worry for what lies ahead - I am here if you need it. These past 2 weeks have really hit home for me and while I know I am here for those who need it, being able to talk about this here makes me feel that I am not alone either...
As my family says, stop and look back on all you have accomplished! Look at all the steps it took for you to get where you are! Be proud of yourself and know you have the strength in you to reach your dream. Stay as focused as you can, try your best to avoid the wrong mentality and always make time for the one of great importance - YOU! Everyone needs to be reminded of this from time to time... even me....
I'll be writing soon so stay tuned :)...
1.) CHANGE YOUR MENTALITY!!! I had to very much so. Not so much physically but I thought that I would seriously die from this rotation out of exhaustion and harassment from the surgery team. Things truly now (at least for this month) could not be further from the truth. It is so hard for me not to say, "Three months to go.". It made me sad and cry everyday before I just came to change my mentality. I don't even count my 3rd month now because it is 16 shifts of 10 hours in the ER. Not bad, no call. So now from 12, I am down to 8 weeks, 2 of which are nearly over. Changing your mentality! It is hard for me to take it one day at a time but really, with the trauma team I am on, I do feel like I am a wee bit useful with my getting up way before the crack of dawn to pre-round on as many patients as I can to lighten the load for the rest of the team. Of course, I hope it impresses them, hope that it is appreciated and noticed - but above all I have changed my mentality. I now tell myself, "The more you do in pre-rounding, the quicker you can get to relax before rounds, finish rounds and get back to the apartment."
I cannot even explain how much of this is a mental game to convince yourself to push onward one day at a time. I resisted so hard to change the way I thought. I still will have hard days and some of the hardest are when my perspective is lost, in that I WILL be done with soon. It is just another hurdle and the best time of my life is yet to come when I move back home, get married and more! In this rotation though, getting up in the morning is still the worst part of my day, but knowing I will be in the hospital within the hour pre-rounding and getting the job done makes me happy because that probably the one time of the day I can truly shine and show that I am up for the challenge. Questions you can get wrong, procedures you can do and be talked though, but here is the one time you can show true initiative.
2.) Surgery cannot - I repeat - cannot take away your "me" time!!! I have a strict schedule (kinda). I need my time and I will have it - even if it means that I get less sleep. I shower before bed, have my clothes laid out so when I roll out of bed I get dressed and walk about the door (without breakfast (I can get some food in the resident on-call room), I can do it in 10 minutes!) I finish my day (12-13 hour days when I am not on call lol) - but then? Well, I workout! Something I refuse to compromise on. Before surgery I did 5 days a week. That is a bit too much I think to handle for me, so I count my on-call days as "workout days" even though it isn't much of a workout. Just the mental stress and physical stamina it takes is enough. So technically, with that I still get my 5 days a week. What else? I get in a bubble bath when I feel like I need one, have a cocktail or two (;D), watch TV (while looking up things I jotted down thoughout the day during rounds that I didn't understand) and do some leisure reading (reading "Marley and Me" right now). Whatever you would like to do - DO IT. There is time, even if it is cut short you don't come home to dread another day because you "don't have a life". Sure you are in the hospital 6 days a week - well that day off will be FAB-u-lous!
Can you see this post is really for me still, too? Haha, okay - I have more tips I am sure to come but those are so far up on the list, I had to talk about them. If anyone ever feels that dread or worry for what lies ahead - I am here if you need it. These past 2 weeks have really hit home for me and while I know I am here for those who need it, being able to talk about this here makes me feel that I am not alone either...
As my family says, stop and look back on all you have accomplished! Look at all the steps it took for you to get where you are! Be proud of yourself and know you have the strength in you to reach your dream. Stay as focused as you can, try your best to avoid the wrong mentality and always make time for the one of great importance - YOU! Everyone needs to be reminded of this from time to time... even me....
I'll be writing soon so stay tuned :)...
Saturday, January 10, 2009
So begins surgery...
Well, good news? I will never have to do my first week of surgery ever again. Surgery began on January 5th with our orientation. It was so funny because with all my other rotations it was very welcoming. Surgery? Not so much. It was pretty much like, "This is your schedule, get used to it and just deal with it.". Interesting to say the very least. After talking with the last group that went though who the good attendings were and had the best of the worst hours. I've been told the two people I have are the worst hours but it seems like we all kind of have the same situation.
Anyway, my first day I was on call. I went in at 6am Tuesday (since it was my first day I didn't start rounding until the day after so I got to come in later), had office and hospital hours until 5pm, went on call at 5pm and stayed until 2pm the following day. 32 hours... Sigh. Luckily call was uneventful as there were barely any pages for trauma, so I got to sleep for about 4 or 5 hours. Call is technically over at noon but being my first day in, I was timid in any way asking for a break or to go home. So I stayed for 5 surgeries in the morning and went home at 2pm. The rest of the week comprised of me coming in to pre-round (on the floor at 5am) before rounds and staying to about 5-6pm at night. I am still pretty slow at seeing people and can see am trying to improve my efficiency. In FM or OB/GYN, notes were short and sweet. TICU/NICU (trauma/neuro ICU) notes are longer and full of detail. Right now I am seeing 3-4 patients before I see any resident or attending. By the end who knows how many I will see.
This rotation is full of the unknown. To me, this is my first seemingly medical rotation in terms of fully comprehending basic physiology to formulate treatment plans. I guess maybe its the ICU and not really surgery that makes me think this way. Even yesterday, the attending, resident, PA and myself sat to talk about hemodynamic profiles with a Swan catheter. I think I have never felt more unprepared for a talk. I have not even looked at that in months and months and here I am getting 90% of the questions wrong. I was getting so embarrassed. Truly on this rotation, I am sure I will learn a great deal but really in no way am I expecting an A. Of course, I will try for it but, really I do not hear alot of students getting that on this rotation.
So, the rest of the week basically was rounding and procedures. As far as my first week goes I have already gotten to help close up patients in surgery, pull a chest tube and place a PEG (or G-tube). I really enjoy the hands on aspect of it and really have no time to be nervous because once they say "glove up" you are pretty much commited to do the procedure. Overall the trauma team is very nice and I hope they don't think I am the worst student to ever work with them. After asking the resident what I can do for next week better, he told me to just work on suturing but as far as my availability and notes to just keep doing what I am doing. Hmm, not too sure what to make of that but ok. My resident is a real sweet guy though and pretty fun to spend the day with. So with all of us together it is a total of 6 people - attending, resident, ER resident, PA, med and PA student. Truly the days as of yet do not drag on because they are so jammed with work to be done. One thing I think is that time will go fast in this rotation. Days went by fast this week and I can only hope my energy stays how it is and time continues to roll how it has. Now that I am thinking about it more, it is probably better that I am doing this rotation in the wintertime. I thought it would make me more depressed but really, if I was doing this in the spring or summer and missing out, I would be alot worse. At least the rest of Michigan is semi-kinda where I am right now. I just am trying to keep things in perspective. I won't have to miss the opening of the cabin up north this May to go for great weekend trips, I will be home forever June 5th, I will get to have summer at home, etc. Overall, I am glad at the timing of this rotation now. All I have to do is get through it...
Tomorrow I am back on call but then I will be done by around noon on Monday. Since I have to go in early tomorrow I wasn't able to see any family or friends this weekend from home but next weekend is supposed to be my "full weekend off". We will see how that goes later in the week. Anyhoo, I suppose it is time to close this entry and start relaxing a bit and getting some reading done.
Anyway, my first day I was on call. I went in at 6am Tuesday (since it was my first day I didn't start rounding until the day after so I got to come in later), had office and hospital hours until 5pm, went on call at 5pm and stayed until 2pm the following day. 32 hours... Sigh. Luckily call was uneventful as there were barely any pages for trauma, so I got to sleep for about 4 or 5 hours. Call is technically over at noon but being my first day in, I was timid in any way asking for a break or to go home. So I stayed for 5 surgeries in the morning and went home at 2pm. The rest of the week comprised of me coming in to pre-round (on the floor at 5am) before rounds and staying to about 5-6pm at night. I am still pretty slow at seeing people and can see am trying to improve my efficiency. In FM or OB/GYN, notes were short and sweet. TICU/NICU (trauma/neuro ICU) notes are longer and full of detail. Right now I am seeing 3-4 patients before I see any resident or attending. By the end who knows how many I will see.
This rotation is full of the unknown. To me, this is my first seemingly medical rotation in terms of fully comprehending basic physiology to formulate treatment plans. I guess maybe its the ICU and not really surgery that makes me think this way. Even yesterday, the attending, resident, PA and myself sat to talk about hemodynamic profiles with a Swan catheter. I think I have never felt more unprepared for a talk. I have not even looked at that in months and months and here I am getting 90% of the questions wrong. I was getting so embarrassed. Truly on this rotation, I am sure I will learn a great deal but really in no way am I expecting an A. Of course, I will try for it but, really I do not hear alot of students getting that on this rotation.
So, the rest of the week basically was rounding and procedures. As far as my first week goes I have already gotten to help close up patients in surgery, pull a chest tube and place a PEG (or G-tube). I really enjoy the hands on aspect of it and really have no time to be nervous because once they say "glove up" you are pretty much commited to do the procedure. Overall the trauma team is very nice and I hope they don't think I am the worst student to ever work with them. After asking the resident what I can do for next week better, he told me to just work on suturing but as far as my availability and notes to just keep doing what I am doing. Hmm, not too sure what to make of that but ok. My resident is a real sweet guy though and pretty fun to spend the day with. So with all of us together it is a total of 6 people - attending, resident, ER resident, PA, med and PA student. Truly the days as of yet do not drag on because they are so jammed with work to be done. One thing I think is that time will go fast in this rotation. Days went by fast this week and I can only hope my energy stays how it is and time continues to roll how it has. Now that I am thinking about it more, it is probably better that I am doing this rotation in the wintertime. I thought it would make me more depressed but really, if I was doing this in the spring or summer and missing out, I would be alot worse. At least the rest of Michigan is semi-kinda where I am right now. I just am trying to keep things in perspective. I won't have to miss the opening of the cabin up north this May to go for great weekend trips, I will be home forever June 5th, I will get to have summer at home, etc. Overall, I am glad at the timing of this rotation now. All I have to do is get through it...
Tomorrow I am back on call but then I will be done by around noon on Monday. Since I have to go in early tomorrow I wasn't able to see any family or friends this weekend from home but next weekend is supposed to be my "full weekend off". We will see how that goes later in the week. Anyhoo, I suppose it is time to close this entry and start relaxing a bit and getting some reading done.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
What IS Jessica Up To?
I cannot believe how fast time flies and I apologize for not posting for the past while. There is so much that I would like to talk about so I think I will probably break it down over the next couple of posts. When I last left off I was about to do my weekend call for OB/GYN. Of course, being there for about 16 hours pretty much nothing happened! Call was from 8am-midnight and not one delivery. Only by around 5pm were there any screeners at all! Luckily, my resident let me out at like 10:45pm and I was able to get some rest. I had one more call on Wednesday but the big news came in the last few days of L&D. All I wanted was to get in there for the deliveries and be involved in it. Days past and all that happened were C-sections. Oy. Well the time finally came! My first delivery (which I was able to actually deliver the baby) and the next day I was able to deliver yet another! After that week, we had our final shelf exam and I went on home. Ah, how the days flew by...
I know it has been so long since my last post but on vacation - posting or talking about medicine for me isn't really on my priority list, so I hope you understand! It was such a wonderful vacation. I had a week off before starting my ENT elective rotation to start off my 4th year a bit early. This was a more specific rotation in laryngology (the voice box). It was a wonderful way to see more specific areas of medicine and I had a wondeful time with my attending and residents. I really was bummed when it was over because I learned so much in two weeks and was welcomed so warmly by the staff. I will post more on that possibly soon if anyone wants to know more about it! Alas, it was time for vacation. 3 weeks of it. It was so great to be back home with my Tony and Maggie. We did so much with the house - painting, carpeting, new furniture, getting ready for our 2nd annual New Year's party, etc. Christmas was fabulous too and very busy. I can't believe it is already over and here I am waiting to start my surgery rotation tomorrow.
I think I will have to wait until tomorrow to tell you all how I feel about that. Everyone has to do it and I'll get through it somehow but I am not happy about being back. Practically bitter and very emotional about it (what do you know - again). I think if I was doing this at home near Tony and family it would be 1000x better. It is so much harder coming back here to an empty, quiet and cold apartment. I am just so sad again and know where this is headed, back to feeling low and I don't think I can take it again. But what is there to do? Quit or keep going. Man, I wish there was a middle ground. Taking a break though only puts me behind and really just prolongs the inevitable of finishing rotations if not here most likely further away. I hate this funk. After this rotation, I have a month off where I will be taking my USMLE Step 2 CS in Chicago and maybe squeezing in a radiology rotation if I feel up for it. If not - 3 weeks off after my exam then back to Saginaw for my last rotation here: pediatrics. Finally, I will be back to no call, no weekends which will be a great way to finish. Then on June 5th, I am done in Saginaw and back home FOREVER. I will beg whoever I have to in order to stay home for my 4th year and don't really see it as a hard thing to accomplish as compared to 3rd year. After nearly 3 years of my medical education, I can finally finish and start my career back at home. That is all that I want! Please God, that is all that I want.
I am sorry for the delay in my posts but am ready to start off 2009 and keep you all filled in as I go along! Prayers welcomed tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it in the least and can only hope I am kept so busy these three months fly by. Or just fly by without the work (either way!). Here goes nothing...
I know it has been so long since my last post but on vacation - posting or talking about medicine for me isn't really on my priority list, so I hope you understand! It was such a wonderful vacation. I had a week off before starting my ENT elective rotation to start off my 4th year a bit early. This was a more specific rotation in laryngology (the voice box). It was a wonderful way to see more specific areas of medicine and I had a wondeful time with my attending and residents. I really was bummed when it was over because I learned so much in two weeks and was welcomed so warmly by the staff. I will post more on that possibly soon if anyone wants to know more about it! Alas, it was time for vacation. 3 weeks of it. It was so great to be back home with my Tony and Maggie. We did so much with the house - painting, carpeting, new furniture, getting ready for our 2nd annual New Year's party, etc. Christmas was fabulous too and very busy. I can't believe it is already over and here I am waiting to start my surgery rotation tomorrow.
I think I will have to wait until tomorrow to tell you all how I feel about that. Everyone has to do it and I'll get through it somehow but I am not happy about being back. Practically bitter and very emotional about it (what do you know - again). I think if I was doing this at home near Tony and family it would be 1000x better. It is so much harder coming back here to an empty, quiet and cold apartment. I am just so sad again and know where this is headed, back to feeling low and I don't think I can take it again. But what is there to do? Quit or keep going. Man, I wish there was a middle ground. Taking a break though only puts me behind and really just prolongs the inevitable of finishing rotations if not here most likely further away. I hate this funk. After this rotation, I have a month off where I will be taking my USMLE Step 2 CS in Chicago and maybe squeezing in a radiology rotation if I feel up for it. If not - 3 weeks off after my exam then back to Saginaw for my last rotation here: pediatrics. Finally, I will be back to no call, no weekends which will be a great way to finish. Then on June 5th, I am done in Saginaw and back home FOREVER. I will beg whoever I have to in order to stay home for my 4th year and don't really see it as a hard thing to accomplish as compared to 3rd year. After nearly 3 years of my medical education, I can finally finish and start my career back at home. That is all that I want! Please God, that is all that I want.
I am sorry for the delay in my posts but am ready to start off 2009 and keep you all filled in as I go along! Prayers welcomed tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it in the least and can only hope I am kept so busy these three months fly by. Or just fly by without the work (either way!). Here goes nothing...
Friday, October 31, 2008
The Ups and Downs...
Rotations, at least for me are so love-hate. Some times of the day you are just soooo excited and others you can't WAIT to get out of the hospital. It is so back and forth sometimes, it becomes mentally draining. I am now half done with my OB/GYN rotation and surely think this is a rotation I will miss. It has been more than busy and always keeping me moving! My last call is this Sunday from 8am until midnight, which I have beeen dreading but since it is my last one - it's best just to push through it and be done. Next up is ENT 4th year elective! That's right! My dear, dear friend Anna is a miracle worker and is the only reason I got such an opportunity - I LOVE YOU! I will be doing two week of ENT from December 1st-12th (perfectly fitting between Thanksgiving and Christmas, wink wink. Doing this really will help in the end when I wished I took the extra time I had an used it do finish off some weeks of elective rotations - might as well start now. I figure the sooner I start chippin' away at 4th year (sounds weird to say that!) the sooner my Tony and I can go on our honeymoon!!! So much to do, oy. That being said, I thought it would be fun to try to explain just some my ups and downers of clinical years thus far - ENJOY!
Upper: being an "upper classman" in the medical school world.
Downer: more responsibility and can't just a take a day off or sleep in because you feel like it, ah the joys of years one and two!
Upper: In OB particulary, doing one of your first SVEs (sterile vaginal examination) and having your attending agree with you on your assessment of the cervix! 1/50%/-3 (means 1cm dilated, 50% effacement or thickness/length of the cervix to palpation (which an actual measurement might be nice to get as well) and -3 means the baby is still wayyyyy up there and not yet decended - see you can learn from me too!)
Downer: actually a literal one is passing out in the OR... Yes, it happened to me this past Thursday and it was mighty embarrassing but very funny now. I was supporting the uterus in a laproscopic procedure - long story short - big OR light on the back of my head for over an hour + little to no food in my system + sweats + rebreathing my own CO2 with hyperventilating = BAM. Luckily I didn't contaminate anything but myself and I got a cookie out of the deal! God bless the nurses and scrub techs! :)
Upper: the feeling you get after participating in a case, be it retracting for the first time or later being allowed to even do part of the actual procedure! On my first GYN surgery I was able to make the first incision on a hysterectomy case (mighty straight I might add, lol) have been able to deliver the placenta, do countless SVEs and speculum exams, abdominal stapling, yes retraction (woo., haha), even two days ago was able to use the curette in a D&C and work with the hysterscope, ultrasound and anatomy scans and much much more. Oh yeah, can't forget those lovely H&Ps.
Downer: the constant (constant) stress of trying to impress people, be it by bringing up the right questions and not just dumb ones, getting questions right (big one) asking "Would you like me to do that H&P for you?" (when in your head you are like - say no, say no!!!! hahaha) or truthfully just staying awake.
Upper: still being a student where making mistakes (albeit gross ones) are generally allowed. This is the time to get things wrong so you will remember it later and have it forever ingrained in you to do it right from then on!
Anyhoo - just a few of the ups and downs I have come across... I'm sure there will be more to mention as time goes on, but as for now - it is time to get some rest! Goodnight!!!
Upper: being an "upper classman" in the medical school world.
Downer: more responsibility and can't just a take a day off or sleep in because you feel like it, ah the joys of years one and two!
Upper: In OB particulary, doing one of your first SVEs (sterile vaginal examination) and having your attending agree with you on your assessment of the cervix! 1/50%/-3 (means 1cm dilated, 50% effacement or thickness/length of the cervix to palpation (which an actual measurement might be nice to get as well) and -3 means the baby is still wayyyyy up there and not yet decended - see you can learn from me too!)
Downer: actually a literal one is passing out in the OR... Yes, it happened to me this past Thursday and it was mighty embarrassing but very funny now. I was supporting the uterus in a laproscopic procedure - long story short - big OR light on the back of my head for over an hour + little to no food in my system + sweats + rebreathing my own CO2 with hyperventilating = BAM. Luckily I didn't contaminate anything but myself and I got a cookie out of the deal! God bless the nurses and scrub techs! :)
Upper: the feeling you get after participating in a case, be it retracting for the first time or later being allowed to even do part of the actual procedure! On my first GYN surgery I was able to make the first incision on a hysterectomy case (mighty straight I might add, lol) have been able to deliver the placenta, do countless SVEs and speculum exams, abdominal stapling, yes retraction (woo., haha), even two days ago was able to use the curette in a D&C and work with the hysterscope, ultrasound and anatomy scans and much much more. Oh yeah, can't forget those lovely H&Ps.
Downer: the constant (constant) stress of trying to impress people, be it by bringing up the right questions and not just dumb ones, getting questions right (big one) asking "Would you like me to do that H&P for you?" (when in your head you are like - say no, say no!!!! hahaha) or truthfully just staying awake.
Upper: still being a student where making mistakes (albeit gross ones) are generally allowed. This is the time to get things wrong so you will remember it later and have it forever ingrained in you to do it right from then on!
Anyhoo - just a few of the ups and downs I have come across... I'm sure there will be more to mention as time goes on, but as for now - it is time to get some rest! Goodnight!!!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Still here - and trying to hold on...
Things are slowly getting better but it is really still day to day for me. Luckly, one week of OB/GYN down and things are going very, very well. I really didn't think I would, but I have taken quite a liking to this specialty. This rotation begins with two weeks of clinic, then two weeks of GYN surgery, then 2 weeks of OB L&D (labor and delivery). This week now is the last week of my clinic days and I am shocked how fast it went by. I still have 3.5 days left but I can't believe how much I have learned in this short of time. I definitely feel that my money is being well spent on this rotation. The days are long, most days being 6am-5pm but with so much to do and learn, it flies. I have done quite a bit of speculum exam, which I am getting more comfortable with now. It is so odd but for some reason the cervix just falls into place for me with the plastic spec. The metal ones? Not as good of luck, lol so wierd. Anyhoo, I have gotten to do plenty of those, bimanuals and even have been starting to do ultrasounds and fetal anatomy scans! Even today I had the privilage of being part of telling a patient she was having a boy. It was pretty neat.
We have 4 days of being on-call but they are only until midnight and not an overnight shift, so that is nice. My first night on call was really great. There were two deliveries and of course, both happening at the same time. I was in on a Cesarian section (C/S) when one of my residents (1st year) was paged out of it for another patient's vaginal delivery. With my other resident (3rd year) and the attending were busy delivering the baby and placenta, then beginning to close, I offered to take over for my resident paged out in assisting with the surgery. On my first delivery I was able to retract (cool now but I bet in surgery, 5 hours of that will be annoying haha), cut sutures and even staple the whole abdomen! One thing I really feel is that the OB/GYN staff here at Synergy are really dedicated to teaching. You can just tell that they love to take the time and I appreciate that. My patient is still in the hospital so I round on her everyday after her surgery for morning report at 7am. Residents round at 6:30am so I am sure to round and write my SOAP note before they come around. Then I present a short 10 second summary about her in morning report and once it's over, I head to my morning clinic assignment. Everyday at lunch is lecture then it is off to our afternoon clinic assignment. No time off for the day but when you are learning so much and have such eager faculty, it is hard to complain.
My next call is this Wednesday then it is downhill until the weekend when I get to finally go home. I was unable to go home last weekend due to my call on Friday night (17+ hour day) until midnight, so I was blessed to have Tony come up to see me. I can't say enough how much that meant. It was nice to not have to leave home on Sunday (even though I miss my Mags) as that is just the absolute worst time for me each week. Driving away makes me cry everytime and for the first time I was okay on a Sunday. Last week was probably the worst I have been - even worse than the island and was pretty worrisome but I am trying to take it a day at a time so I don't get back to that place. Looking at the whole road ahead it seems is overwhelming and as much as I want to look to the finish line, I know it is a ways away. I just need to take one mile marker at a time... Sigh. Just hoping I can continue to hold it together...
Anyway, I am going to relax a bit more before turning in. Another day awaits...
We have 4 days of being on-call but they are only until midnight and not an overnight shift, so that is nice. My first night on call was really great. There were two deliveries and of course, both happening at the same time. I was in on a Cesarian section (C/S) when one of my residents (1st year) was paged out of it for another patient's vaginal delivery. With my other resident (3rd year) and the attending were busy delivering the baby and placenta, then beginning to close, I offered to take over for my resident paged out in assisting with the surgery. On my first delivery I was able to retract (cool now but I bet in surgery, 5 hours of that will be annoying haha), cut sutures and even staple the whole abdomen! One thing I really feel is that the OB/GYN staff here at Synergy are really dedicated to teaching. You can just tell that they love to take the time and I appreciate that. My patient is still in the hospital so I round on her everyday after her surgery for morning report at 7am. Residents round at 6:30am so I am sure to round and write my SOAP note before they come around. Then I present a short 10 second summary about her in morning report and once it's over, I head to my morning clinic assignment. Everyday at lunch is lecture then it is off to our afternoon clinic assignment. No time off for the day but when you are learning so much and have such eager faculty, it is hard to complain.
My next call is this Wednesday then it is downhill until the weekend when I get to finally go home. I was unable to go home last weekend due to my call on Friday night (17+ hour day) until midnight, so I was blessed to have Tony come up to see me. I can't say enough how much that meant. It was nice to not have to leave home on Sunday (even though I miss my Mags) as that is just the absolute worst time for me each week. Driving away makes me cry everytime and for the first time I was okay on a Sunday. Last week was probably the worst I have been - even worse than the island and was pretty worrisome but I am trying to take it a day at a time so I don't get back to that place. Looking at the whole road ahead it seems is overwhelming and as much as I want to look to the finish line, I know it is a ways away. I just need to take one mile marker at a time... Sigh. Just hoping I can continue to hold it together...
Anyway, I am going to relax a bit more before turning in. Another day awaits...
Monday, October 13, 2008
Take my hand, Precious Lord...
Psychiatry is now over and it is onto rotation #3 - OB/GYN which started today. I really enjoyed psych and while I don't think I could see it being a speciality I would do alone, I could see it in conjuntion with another specialty, like oncology to deal with both the medical and mental afflictions affiliated with being diagnosed with terminal illnesses. My presentation on DID (dissociative identity disorder) went very well and out of the blue our shelf exam was cancelled due to some issues with test delivery. So I was off to go home for a nice long weekend home - and it was fantastic!
Now, starting fresh with this new rotation and what do you know - feeling back in the rut. I was happy last week when I felt the accomplishment of another rotation but feeling at the bottom of another mountain being a new rotation, I find myself exhausted and utterly drained mentally. I'm sure most are sick of hearing my rants about being "down in the dumps" but as always, you chose to read this so it is up to you to read on. I am just having alot of issues with my emotions as of late, same as before yet in a deeper quality. Not to a dangerous point or anything but I have been having doubts as I am sure I have not been the only one. I just feel at the end of my rope lately and feel bad for that fact as I come off as just not that strong lately (which is scary considering I haven't even hit surgery yet). Things are better than before considering, but it almost seems as if being that much closer is a daily tease. Hearing things that are going on with my home, fiance, family, dog - even how the lawn needs to be cut or the laundry needs to be done is wearing at me at how I am just not there and how desperately I want to be so. I'm stricken with guilt too because even my future husband sees that I am not as optimistic and cheerful as I once was which makes me even more sad because even though it is true, I know that is who he fell in love with and I hate not being that person lately.
I've been back from the weekend about one day and have only had breaks from tears enough to get through orientation today. Waking up in the morning, my eyes are just so swollen. I am getting so tired of not feeling like myself to the point where in the back of my mind I have thought of taking a break from all of this. I literally have had feelings of being "stuck" knowing quitting now means a hell of alot of debt and disappointment in myself, who has never been a quitter. Even in signing up for Step 2 CS recently, I paused during submission of my payment, as I was unsure whether I wanted to spend $1200 because of these doubts. But after taking a moment, I know that stopping isn't what I want. Even taking a break means dealing with the rest of my education at some point - and no time like the present right? What kills me even more is that I am good at this. My preceptors have all liked me very much in the past, I truly enjoy the patient contact and being involved in their care. I am just so torn in my mind. I've had thoughts though, that why didn't I become something else in the medical profession? I thought about PA school and if I had pursued that I would be one by now. Why not be a nurse? My mom is the best of the best in that department and she is happy. I'm just back to the elemental question of any med school interview: why do you want to be a doctor?
I've heavily debated posting this. Part of me really thinks I should keep this to myself to save any embarassment or comments that I am not "doctor material". I have to admit that it is nice to vent it off though, even if no one reads it. Everyone is telling me it will get better and that I'm feeling this way because of one reason or the other. I just don't understand why it can't be me? Am I not as susceptible to feeling low like my previous patients? You would think knowing the signs and coping mechanisms I would have been able to talk myself out of this by now and believe me I am trying. To put it in psych terms, I feel like throughout school thus far, I am in a constant Adjustment Disorder by Axis I (little psych humor). I'm up and I'm down inside, repeat and repeat again.
I truly hope that it is just me getting into another rotation and feeling overwhelmed by it. As time goes on I am hoping and betting on the fact that these feelings will subside and only get happier knowing I am going to get to be home until the new year. I hope that my strength comes back and I can act and truly feel that I am coming back into my old self. I hope that God stays with me, picks me up and gives me back that toughness, optimism and joy that I feel has dwindled as of late. ...I hope...
"My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." ~Footprints in the Sand
Now, starting fresh with this new rotation and what do you know - feeling back in the rut. I was happy last week when I felt the accomplishment of another rotation but feeling at the bottom of another mountain being a new rotation, I find myself exhausted and utterly drained mentally. I'm sure most are sick of hearing my rants about being "down in the dumps" but as always, you chose to read this so it is up to you to read on. I am just having alot of issues with my emotions as of late, same as before yet in a deeper quality. Not to a dangerous point or anything but I have been having doubts as I am sure I have not been the only one. I just feel at the end of my rope lately and feel bad for that fact as I come off as just not that strong lately (which is scary considering I haven't even hit surgery yet). Things are better than before considering, but it almost seems as if being that much closer is a daily tease. Hearing things that are going on with my home, fiance, family, dog - even how the lawn needs to be cut or the laundry needs to be done is wearing at me at how I am just not there and how desperately I want to be so. I'm stricken with guilt too because even my future husband sees that I am not as optimistic and cheerful as I once was which makes me even more sad because even though it is true, I know that is who he fell in love with and I hate not being that person lately.
I've been back from the weekend about one day and have only had breaks from tears enough to get through orientation today. Waking up in the morning, my eyes are just so swollen. I am getting so tired of not feeling like myself to the point where in the back of my mind I have thought of taking a break from all of this. I literally have had feelings of being "stuck" knowing quitting now means a hell of alot of debt and disappointment in myself, who has never been a quitter. Even in signing up for Step 2 CS recently, I paused during submission of my payment, as I was unsure whether I wanted to spend $1200 because of these doubts. But after taking a moment, I know that stopping isn't what I want. Even taking a break means dealing with the rest of my education at some point - and no time like the present right? What kills me even more is that I am good at this. My preceptors have all liked me very much in the past, I truly enjoy the patient contact and being involved in their care. I am just so torn in my mind. I've had thoughts though, that why didn't I become something else in the medical profession? I thought about PA school and if I had pursued that I would be one by now. Why not be a nurse? My mom is the best of the best in that department and she is happy. I'm just back to the elemental question of any med school interview: why do you want to be a doctor?
I've heavily debated posting this. Part of me really thinks I should keep this to myself to save any embarassment or comments that I am not "doctor material". I have to admit that it is nice to vent it off though, even if no one reads it. Everyone is telling me it will get better and that I'm feeling this way because of one reason or the other. I just don't understand why it can't be me? Am I not as susceptible to feeling low like my previous patients? You would think knowing the signs and coping mechanisms I would have been able to talk myself out of this by now and believe me I am trying. To put it in psych terms, I feel like throughout school thus far, I am in a constant Adjustment Disorder by Axis I (little psych humor). I'm up and I'm down inside, repeat and repeat again.
I truly hope that it is just me getting into another rotation and feeling overwhelmed by it. As time goes on I am hoping and betting on the fact that these feelings will subside and only get happier knowing I am going to get to be home until the new year. I hope that my strength comes back and I can act and truly feel that I am coming back into my old self. I hope that God stays with me, picks me up and gives me back that toughness, optimism and joy that I feel has dwindled as of late. ...I hope...
"My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." ~Footprints in the Sand
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